


Love in the Dark

by meracanaries



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-07-11 13:09:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 28,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19928584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meracanaries/pseuds/meracanaries
Summary: Alex is not in love, this is just a little crush that's going to pass, because crushes always do, right?





	1. Chapter 1

It all happens during a game against Ireland, they already have a pretty secure lead over them, Alex and Christen both having scored two goals against their opponent.   
They’re well into the second half of the game when Alex sees another opportunity to score.   
She runs towards the ball and hits it perfectly, not seeing the Irish player coming from the left though.

Alex doesn’t know if the ball made it into the goal, she’s fairly sure that it should’ve hit the back of the net when she’s thrown to the ground, crashing hard. 

Her vision gets blurry and the air rushed out of her lungs, it hurts, it hurts a lot and everything is spinning when she opens her eyes. 

She tells herself that it’s going to be fine, Kelley will be there any second and hold her hand and tell her that everything is good.   
Instead she looks into Christen’s eyes who looks down at her worried right before the medics come rushing towards her. 

All Alex can think that this isn’t right, Kelley’s always by her side when she gets hurt, so where is she right now?

She’s asked questions and Alex tries to answer them as good as she can but she knows that this game is over for her, the dull ache in her head a dead giveaway of that.   
She still doesn’t know if she scored or not when she’s lead off of the field.

She hears the words "concussion" and "going to take her to the hospital, just to make sure" muttered, but she honestly couldn’t care less all she can think about is that Kelley wasn’t there.

When she wakes up in the hospital bed her head is still aching, but at least she sees some familiar faces.   
Part of her thinks that Kelley is going to step into the room after Tobin and Christen which is why her gaze keeps drifting towards the door even when it closes behind her two teammates.

"Hey how are you doing, that hit looked rough." Tobin says with a light smile while Alex still stares at the door before she answers. 

"I’m ok, my head hurts. Doctors said I can go home though, as long as I take things easy the next few days." Her voice is raspier than usual and her throat feels like she walked through a desert.

"We know, we’re here to pick you up and make sure that you’re going to get back to the hotel safely." Tobin says before she sits down on one of the hospital chairs, looking at Christen who is still standing nearby the door, eyeing Alex carefully like she’s trying to read her mind.

"Did we win?" Alex asks, she doesn’t really care but she knows that Tobin would be worried if she didn’t ask.

"Duh of course we did. You didn’t have to sacrifice yourself though, we would’ve won anyways." Tobin says half jokingly and Alex attempts to smile, but instead flinches in pain and makes a mental note not to smile or laugh for a while.

"Where’s Kelley?" She didn’t want to ask but the lingering question in her mind is killing her because this isn’t like her best friend at all.

Christen glances towards the ground while Tobin looks a bit confused for a few seconds. 

"She had plans for after the game, but we’re supposed to keep her updated." Christen answers still avoiding Alex’s gaze who is pretty happy about it in that moment because she’s pretty sure that she can’t hide the flash of hurt and disappointment.

It’s not like Kelley has to be there, she’s her best friend who has her own life, but it stings that suddenly it feels like she isn’t all that important to her best friend anymore, it feels like Kelley is slipping away under her hands and Alex isn’t even sure when it started, because lately she has been noticing some distance between them, she can’t begin to explain how it happened though and why it hurts her so damn much. 

"I see." She mumbles, realizing that she still hadn’t answered anything.

Christen is biting her lower lip like she’s nervous about something while Tobin seems blissfully unaware of the tension in the room.

Luckily one of the doctors comes in with the discharge papers, saving Alex the awkwardness of trying to get the conversation going again. 

Christen slips out of the room, mumbling something about calling Kelley while Tobin helps Alex out of the bed and towards the door since Alex is still a bit wobbly on her feet. 

The drive back to the hotel they’re staying in is silent, Alex is almost asleep when they finally reach the hotel they’ve been staying at. 

She feels exhausted but at least she’s somewhat stable on her feet even though Tobin and Christen both insist on helping her inside and to her room that she’s sharing with Allie. 

"You know we can stick around, make sure that nothing happens until Allie comes back." Christen offers as soon as Alex is settled on her bed, rolling her eyes at her teammates. 

"What do you think is going to happen? I’m not going to fall out of the bed and crack my skull open. I’ll probably just fall asleep anyways, I don’t want to keep you from celebrating."   
Alex wants to be alone if she’s really honest, well not alone alone, she would be happy if it were Kelley offering to stay with her, but it isn’t Kelley.

"You can sleep while we’re here, we promised that we’d look out for you so we’re going to stay here until Allie gets back, then she’ll take over."

"I’m not a baby." Alex whined even though she knew that it probably wouldn’t be helping her case.   
"Then stop acting like one." Tobin shot back with a raised eyebrow while Christen gently elbowed her whispering "don’t be mean"

"You know that I can hear the both of you, right? I might’ve hit my head but I’m still able to hear." 

"Oh maybe I should tell her about the time we went to Paris.." Tobin said while Alex’s and Christen’s eyes widened, both shouting "No!" at the same time, Tobin just shrugging her shoulders before she flopped down onto the couch, mumbling "Guess not." before she turned on the tv, turning down the volume so that Alex wouldn’t be bothered by it. 

Alex felt Christen’s gaze on her and looked over to where her teammate was still standing. 

"You know you can sit down as well, right? Tobin doesn’t look like she’s going to move anytime soon, so I’ll just accept my fate." 

Christen sighed and Alex was pretty sure that she wanted to say something but whatever it was she decided against it and instead sat down on the couch, lightly shoving Tobin’s feet to the side to make some room for herself. 

Alex closed her eyes, trying to block out the sound of the tv which was harder than she wanted it to be. 

"Tobs could you maybe turn the volume down a bit more?" Alex asked groaning after what felt like hours of her not being able to fall asleep. 

"Sure, sorry." Tobin replied, quickly turning down the volume, Alex whispering "Thanks." before she turned, trying to find a position to sleep in. 

She must’ve fallen asleep because next thing she does remember is the door to her room being opened rather loudly.   
She can hear a "Allie, be silent for once!" from Christen and stirs a bit, trying to stretch when she’s reminded of her concussion, pain cursing through her head. 

"For how long was I out?" Alex asked sitting up slowly, looking over to where Christen is standing with Allie who’s looking like she’s truly sorry for barging into the room. 

"Like two hours, didn’t miss much, everything on tv is boring." Tobin calls out from the couch, Christen shaking her head slightly. 

"How are you?" Allie asks fully stepping into their hotel room and walking over towards Alex. 

"I’ve been better, but it’s okay I guess. Wasn’t the first time, probably won’t be the last one either." This time her attempt of a smile is actually successful and Alex kind of wants to pat herself on the back for it. 

"You guys can head downstairs and grab something to eat, I’ve got it handled from here." Allie says turning back to Tobin and Christen. 

"What about me? Don’t I get something for dinner?" Alex asks with a pout, making Allie laugh. 

"We can order you something upstairs, you’re not going downstairs to the dining hall, bedrest is the way to go." 

"Who are you and what have you done to my friend? You sound so responsible." Alex replies while Allie laughs.

"I should probably be offended by that comment, but you get a free pass because of your concussion." 

"How kind of you." Alex says sarcastically before she turns to Tobin and Christen who are already halfway out of the door.

"Hey guys, thanks for watching out over me."   
"Always." Christen replies with a smile while Tobin just grins before she grabs Christen’s hand, dragging her through the door that closes behind them. 

"So what are you in the mood for? We can order you whatever you want as long as you get back on your feet soon." Allie said sitting down on the bed.

"I’m not sure what I want actually.. I guess just something from the kitchen, order whatever. Can I go back to sleep for a while?" Alex asked suddenly feeling very tired again. 

"Sure, I’ll wake you up when the food gets here." Allie said sounding concerned and Alex nodded before she turned away from her friend, closing her eyes and drifting back to sleep. 

"Alex, hey wake up, food is here." Alex blinked twice before she sat up, yawning before her gaze met Allie’s.   
"I ordered different stuff so you could pick. Here you go." Allie said setting down a huge tray on the bed. 

"You really went all out." Alex said letting her gaze drift over the food before she picked up an apple.   
"You’re serious? You’ve got all this delicious stuff and pick an apple?" Allie asked laughing while Alex glared at her.   
"You said I could pick whatever I wanted and I’m just getting started." She said before she bit into the apple, humming in appreciation at the taste.

"Can I have something or are you going to eat all of this?" Allie asked gesturing over the tray, Alex laughing before she said "Pick your poison."

They ate in silence, while Allie was doing most of the eating Alex was slowly catching on and eventually stole the last piece from the fruit plate while Allie just laughed.   
"Can I turn on the tv or do you want to sleep?" Allie asked and Alex shrugged her shoulders. 

She didn‘t feel like sleeping the headache was slowly subsiding and now she was way more awake than sleepy. 

After half an hour of some crappy tv show Alex felt like the bed rest was too much for her so she stood up and started pacing around the room. 

"What exactly are you doing?" Allie asked after ten minutes passed.   
"Walking around the room." Alex replied and Allie raised her eyebrow. 

"I can see that. Why?"  
"Don‘t know, just feel like it." Alex replied sitting down on the couch for a few seconds looking back at Allie. 

"You‘re supposed to stay in bed and rest, you know that, right?" 

"Maybe I don‘t want to rest right now." Alex replied before she stood up again, continuing to roam through the room. 

Her mind drifted to Kelley and the fact that she hadn‘t shown up at all, she didn‘t even text her and ask her how she was doing which was so unlike Kelley that it seriously had Alex worried. 

"Alex for god‘s sake, stop pacing." Alex almost walked into Allie who was suddenly standing in front of her, glaring at her. 

"Leave me alone, I don‘t want to lie down." Alex muttered earning her a disbelieving look from her friend. 

"What is wrong with you? You know that you need to rest after a concussion, you look like you want to do a marathon in here." 

"I don‘t want to talk about it." Alex said and honestly she couldn‘t have talked about it even if she wanted to because she wasn‘t totally sure what to say.   
She wasn‘t sure what it was that was bothering her so much, maybe it was just the feeling of being neglected by Kelley or maybe it was something else. 

"Maybe I should switch rooms and leave you alone if you‘re so hellbent on pacing around until your head stops working." Allie said and before Alex could really think about it she replied "Yeah maybe you should."

It came out harsher than she intended and for a second Allie looked seriously taken aback but then she just shrugged her shoulders and headed towards the closet, picking out some pajamas before she headed towards the door. 

"Going to switch rooms for the night, I don‘t know what‘s going on with you right now, but be careful, I don‘t want you to hurt yourself."

Alex knew that she could‘ve stopped Allie from walking out of the room, but she didn‘t.   
Maybe she needed some room for herself, maybe it was the concussion that made her act out, maybe she‘d feel better by tomorrow. 

Alex started to pace around the room again until she felt somewhat tired and had to lie down on the couch for a few moments. 

She then decided to take a shower because she didn‘t really got the chance to get one after the game which would usually annoy her to no end but today everything seemed to be kind of different. 

She picked out some sweatpants and a fresh t-shirt before she headed to the bathroom and into the shower. 

The water was cold against her skin it felt like her head was slowly acting in her favor again, it felt like she was coming out of a haze, vision clearing up and the faint remain of her headache vanishing.

When Alex steps out of the shower there’s a knock on the door and she quickly wraps herself into one of the towels, rushing towards the door.   
Maybe Allie’s back and she forgot the key card to their room, she thinks as she opens up the door.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s not Allie on the other side of the door though, it’s Kelley who meets her gaze. 

"Hey, Allie said you’re being an insufferable asshole and that we’re switching rooms for the night." Kelley says and there is hesitation and uncertainty in the look she gives Alex before she quickly looks down to the floor, avoiding to meet Alex’s gaze at all. 

Alex can tell that she feels guilty so she just steps aside and lets Kelley into the hotel room.

A little part of her doesn’t want Kelley here right now, a part of her wants to lick her wounds instead of possibly pouring some salt into them, because Kelley being here means that eventually they have to talk and right now Alex isn’t sure if she’s in the right state of mind for that. 

"Allie said what now?" Alex asks once the door is closed behind them turning to Kelley.

Focusing on Allie feels like a good idea, it gives them a topic that got nothing to do with them directly, maybe she can swerve the conversation into a direction where she doesn’t have to discuss the events of the day. 

"Her words, not mine. She seemed genuinely pissed, what did you do to her?" Kelley replies stopping in the middle of the room, turning back to Alex but she still avoids her eyes and Alex isn’t sure if that’s a good or a bad thing.

"In my defense, I didn’t do anything, well nothing bad at least. She tried to force me to stay in bed but I needed to move and I kind of snapped at her I guess."   
It’s putting things mildly, because Alex knows that she acted out and overreacted, Allie was just worried about her and she pushed her away just because she was mad at Kelley. 

It was a shitty thing to do, another thing that Alex is well aware of but she can’t change that now and she knows that Allie won’t be mad at her, everything is going to be fine between them tomorrow, they’re going to blame this on the concussion and move on.

"So you lashed out just because Allie was worried about you? Doesn’t sound like you." Kelley remarks and for a split second Alex wants to reply that it isn’t like Kelley to not even ask how she’s doing either, but she bites back on the comment, she doesn’t want to fight with Kelley. 

"I needed some kind of movement, I’ve been stuck in a bed ever since the game and Allie told me to lie down, I don’t like being told what to do, you know that, she knows that. Yes, I might’ve overreacted but what I am doing is my decision. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or something." Alex replied while Kelley raised her eyebrow, clearly not buying anything Alex was saying and Alex couldn’t even blame her because all of it felt like an excuse, like she was trying to hide what was really bothering her, the true reason why she had snapped at Allie. 

"You only pace when you’re thinking about something, so what is it?" Kelley asked, Alex immediately looking away because she didn’t need Kelley to know what it was that had her so stressed out ever since the game. 

"It was nothing, like I said I just needed to move my legs for a bit." 

It’s a lame excuse, they’re both not buying into it.   
Alex knows she’s lying and so is Kelley because Kelley can always tell when Alex isn’t telling the truth, sometimes Kelley knows before Alex does. 

It’s strange to have someone else tell you what you’re feeling and them being right about something you thought you knew, it took Alex a long time to get used to it, used to Kelley knowing her better than she knows herself. 

By now she is used to it but sometimes, in situations like this it feels like a curse because how is she supposed to keep her feelings a secret when Kelley knows her so well?

Kelley sighed which was a giveaway that she was about to give up and drop the topic which Alex was immensely thankful for.  
"You know that Allie is right though? You shouldn’t be running around the room with your concussion, you’re supposed to stay in bed." Kelley sounds worried which doesn’t go unnoticed by Alex, but it also reminds her of the fact that Kelley wasn’t there when she went down or when she was at the hospital or afterwards.

"How old do you think I am, five?" Alex snapped back suddenly feeling angry. 

She reminds herself that Kelley didn’t bother to show up at the hospital or to check on her, she has yet to ask her how she’s feeling and suddenly she’s acting like she knows what’s best for her. 

Alex knows that Kelley has a point, because she should be in bed, but she feels mostly hurt by Kelley’s behavior right now, so being angry about anything feels way better than admitting that she’s hurt by Kelley’s actions or rather the lack of actions. 

"Come on Alex, you’re not irresponsible that’s just not you. Change into some clothes and then go to bed, I don’t want you to hurt yourself." Kelley says sounding a little bit hurt and sad and in that moment Alex remembers that she is still only wrapped into a towel and suddenly Kelley’s gaze on her feels like it’s burning her skin, she’s pretty sure that she’s blushing and can only hope that Kelley doesn’t notice. 

"Fine." She huffs before she rushes towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind her to make a point, even though it probably only makes her look childish and she can imagine Kelley on the other side of the door shaking her head at her.

Alex leans against the wall, the cold tiles against her bare back and closes her eyes for a few seconds, she needs to calm herself down, otherwise Kelley might be the second person this evening who’s going to drop her for acting bitchy. 

The wall feels soothing, it’s almost therapeutic if only she could block out all those thoughts that are swirling through her mind. 

Alex can’t exactly make out what it is that’s bothering her so much so maybe she just has to put aside her feelings for once and act like everything is fine until she can figure out on her own what’s wrong. 

This is her problem, it seems unfair to involve someone else in it when she’s the one who’s struggling, she just needs to refocus herself and think about all the positive things that happened. 

They won the game and everything is fine, that’s all that matters, that’s what she should be focusing on.

Alex takes three deep breaths before she grabs her clothes, putting them on careful not to bend down too far because certain movements still make her head spin, the last thing she needs right now is to collapse in the bathroom when she isn’t even fully dressed yet. 

Kelley is right, she needs to get into bed, her head is starting to ache a bit more again and she needs to be fit for their next game not even considering the fact that she hates headaches with a burning passion.

After she’s dressed in her sweatpants and a shirt Alex brushes her teeth because it buys her some time to avoid Kelley which honestly is the last thing she wants because Kelley is her best friend and she loves her and wants to spend time with her but at the same time she’s still disappointed and hurt about the fact that Kelley ditched her for a date when she was hurt. 

She knows that she has no right to feel this way, it isn’t Kelley’s task to constantly watch out over her but it kind of is how they always worked so this feels different and kind of like one of the most important people in her life is slowly slipping away through her fingers and all Alex can do is watch while it happens.

Alex tells herself that everything is going to be alright, they’ve been best friends for so long, Kelley isn’t just going to leave her side suddenly, they’re stronger than this, their friendship can survive a little drought even when the feeling stings.

When Alex steps back into the room Kelley’s lying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

Alex just walks over and lies down next to her, neither of them saying a word for a long time.

Kelley is the first one to move, she turns onto her side looking at Alex like she’s thinking about what she should say. 

"I’m sorry." She says voice genuine and Alex’s throat suddenly feels very tight and dry. 

"About…?" Alex asks against better judgement, because she knows what this is about, it’s an unnecessary question and they both know it. 

"Not being there for you today. It wasn’t my intention you know how much I love you but I thought you’d be fine without me. I was really excited about this date because we planned it for so long and I didn’t want to cancel last minute, but now I feel horrible for not being there when you needed me." 

And now Alex feels horrible for making Kelley feel that way, because Kelley deserves to be happy she deserves to enjoy her date and not having to worry that her best friend is going to be pissed about it.

If there’s someone in this world who deserves unconditional happiness it’s Kelley, because Kelley has a way of sacrificing herself for everyone around her, she wants everyone to be happy even if it comes at her own cost and Alex knows that it would be selfish to deny her this happiness. 

She only wants what’s best for Kelley because she’s her best friend, best friends always want what’s best for each other, so maybe this is just something she’s gonna have to deal with.

"It’s okay, I get it." Alex says.   
It’s a lie because it doesn’t feel okay, she kind of does get it but it still hurts not to be the priority anymore because that’s how it has always been between them, they were each others priority, Alex gladly would’ve ditched her own husband for Kelley if needed and maybe that says a lot more about her relationship than it does about Kelley’s, but she shoves that thought into the back of her mind. 

She can do this, she can deal with being Kelley’s second or third priority as long as Kelley is happy, it doesn’t matter if she gets hurt in the process.

Kelley reaches out to tug some hair that has fallen into Alex’s face behind her ear and Alex’s breath catches in her throat because suddenly Kelley is way too close and her gaze is way too intense for Alex to handle but she can’t stop staring back at her. 

"Come here, we can cuddle all night and then your concussion will be in the past tomorrow morning." Kelley says gently and a little part of Alex’s heart melts away, or maybe it’s most of Alex heart that melts but she would never admit to it, because that would mean trouble for the both of them and she can’t have that.

So she scoots closer to Kelley until she rests in between her arms, bodies way closer to each other than they should be and she feels Kelley’s breath tickling against her skin, she hates how safe and good this feels but at the same time she wouldn’t want to have it any other way. 

Alex is almost asleep when Kelley whispers "You know that I was really worried about you, right?" into her ear.

Alex tenses up a bit, unsure what to say, she doesn’t want to lie, it would be pointless anyway.

"I wasn’t so sure to be honest." She whispers back closing her eyes waiting for Kelley to pull back from their embrace.

"Alex…" Kelley says and her voice is so soft that Alex thinks that she might start crying if they keep this conversation going.   
"I should’ve cancelled my date, your health is more important, I’m truly sorry." Kelley says and that’s the breaking point for Alex because Kelley is too good for her, way too selfless and so incredibly loyal that it hurts. 

She can’t hold the tears back any longer and she sobs, Kelley quickly pulling her closer. 

"Hey it’s alright, don’t cry." Kelley whispers rubbing soothing circles over Alex’s back trying to calm her down.

"I’m sorry, you deserve this you shouldn’t have to cancel dates. I don’t want you to cancel your dates because of me. I just want you to be happy." Alex’s voice is hoarse and even raspier than usual, she has troubles talking at all because her voice threatens to crack with every word, she tries to keep at least a little control but it feels like she’s spiraling.

"I know that, it’s not like I’m going to cancel any plans without a reason, but you’re my best friend, you always will be." Kelley makes a brief pause and for some reason the last part of the sentence makes Alex’s heart ache it feels a bit like she’s just been stabbed and she doesn’t want to think about the reason for that.

"What I’m trying to say is, that there is stuff that’s even more important than dates, you’re being healthy or at least well looked after is one of them."  
Alex sniffles still cuddled close to Kelley.

"You would really cancel a date for me, if I got hurt again, I mean?" She asks and Kelley laughs her body shaking against Alex making her heart race. 

"Yeah, just please don’t make it a habit." Now Alex is laughing as well and her head isn’t even hurting this time. 

"I love you." Alex whispers Kelley mumbling "I love you too." before both of them fall asleep all wrapped up into each other.


	3. Chapter 3

"Al wake up, breakfast is here." Alex blinks, slowly waking up and already missing the feeling of Kelley all wrapped around her. 

What she’s greeted with is almost as good though because Kelley is standing in front of the bed with a huge tray in her hands that contains plates with pancakes and fruits. 

"Is this heaven because it sure looks like it." Alex says with a smile before she yawns, Kelley laughing before she sits down on the bed, placing the tray between them. 

"You should enjoy it, you know. It really does look delicious.“

Alex smile falters a bit.   
"You’re not having breakfast with me?" 

"I need to get to training sessions." Kelley answers pushing Alex’s hair behind her ear with a small smile that makes Alex’s heart stutter. 

"Wait what time is it? I need to get ready." Alex says trying to stand up, almost throwing the tray over but Kelley quickly pushes her back onto the mattress but loses her balance and topples on top of Alex, who’s staring at her wide eyed.   
Kelley stares into blue eyes for a few seconds before she pushes herself up again, giving Alex an apologetic look.

"Sorry, but you’re staying here today. No training for you, you do have an appointment with the doctor later though." Kelley says and she really looks like she is sorry because she knows how much Alex hates missing out on training. 

Alex pouts and says "It’s just a concussion. You were drinking and celebrating for three days straight with a concussion after we won the World Cup. I can handle training.“

Kelley laughs at her and Alex wants to be mad, she really does but how could she when Kelley looks so absolutely endearing throwing her head back.

"That’s different though. I’m stubborn and my head is made of steel." She replies after a minute of laughing while Alex just shakes her head. 

"Pretty sure that last part was a lie. But seriously, I don’t want to miss out on training, I already missed the end of the game yesterday." 

Kelley sighs patting Alex’s leg through the blanket.   
"You have no other choice. I promise to come back right after training ends, then we can spend the rest of the day together, watching The Bachelor or something." 

Alex can’t help but smile.   
She still doesn’t want to miss out on training but the thought of getting to spend more time with Kelley sounds heavenly, even though she has to go through check ups and is going to miss training.

"Okay I’m going to stay here and act all nice when is my doctor’s appointment?" 

Kelley smiles at her and Alex thinks she can see something like pride in her gaze, but she isn’t sure.

"You still have like one hour left which can’t be said for me. Gotta run, I’ll be back later." Kelley leans forward and kisses Alex’s forehead before she leaves the room, leaving Alex completely startled. 

It wasn’t the first time that Kelley kissed her forehead, certainly not, but the feeling of Kelley’s lips pressed against her forehead lingers for some reason and Alex can’t stop thinking about it even when Kelley is long out of the room. 

She tries to focus on her breakfast and afterwards she tries to think about her doctor’s appointment but the one thing Alex can’t get out of her mind is Kelley.

Maybe it’s the thought of her slipping away that has Alex feeling this way, maybe being scared of losing her best friend is making her realize exactly how much she needs Kelley in her life, or at least that’s what she tries to tell herself repeatedly. 

Before she knows it the time for her appointment has come and she makes her way downstairs to the hotel lobby. 

It’s almost like she’s in some kind of bubble and since her head is feeling much better already she can’t even blame it on her concussion, because this isn’t about her injury, it’s only about Kelley. 

Some part of her knows an explanation but she tells herself that that’s most definitely not the reason because there’s got to be another explanation.

She loves Kelley, Alex has always loved Kelley, but not like that, that’s not who they are, it’s not how they work, even if she had a small crush on her best friend it was probably going to pass quickly, every other option would’ve been way too scary to think about.

Her check up passes by just as quick as the time leading up to it and before Alex knows it she’s back in her hotel room. 

She’s cleared for training for the next day, with a warning that she has to take things lightly for the rest of the week, which is honestly better than nothing. 

Alex glances at the clock in her hotel room, she still has some time to kill until Kelley comes back from training, Alex doesn’t feel like watching tv on her own so she grabs her iPhone and puts on some music before she heads to the bathroom, nothing beats a good morning shower.

This time she’s already changed into a new set of clothes when Kelley walks into the room. 

Alex isn’t sure if she’s happy about it or disappointed and she definitely shouldn’t think about it too much.

"Hey Champ, how are we doing?" Kelley asks heaving her suitcase through the door earning her a confused look from Alex. 

"What exactly are you doing?" She asks standing up from where she was sitting on the bed to help Kelley who is looking like she’s struggling which is unusual because Kelley is not someone who ever has troubles carrying suitcases. 

"Bringing my stuff in here, Allie is getting hers later. We’re switching rooms, remember?" 

"Is Allie still mad at me?" Alex asks suddenly feeling bad because she didn’t exactly act nice the previous evening and didn’t even apologize to Allie for it. 

"What, no. Of course not Allie isn’t mad about it. I just assumed that we’re still switching rooms, but I can go again if you still want to room with Allie." Kelley says and Alex can’t help but notice the disappointed and possibly hurt undertone in Kelley’s voice as she speaks. 

"Why would you ever think that. I’m always happy to have you around, I just got a bit worried about Allie I don’t want her to be mad at me, I still need to apologize for behaving like an ass yesterday." 

Kelley laughs dropping her suitcase onto the couch before she turns back to look at Alex. 

"Pretty sure she already forgot about that, but feel free to apologize to her if you really want to. Back to you now though. How are you feeling, what did the doc say?" Kelley asks before she jumps onto the bed, sighing contently as her back hits the mattress. 

"I can start training again tomorrow. Of course I’m going to have to take it lightly for the rest of the week but I should be fine afterwards." Kelley sits up again and smiles at her before her smile slightly falters.

"What are you going to do once our time here in L.A. is up? You’re staying with Servando?" At the mention of her husband Alex remembers that she hasn’t spoken to him in days, he doesn’t even know that she got injured, which makes her assume that he didn’t bother to watch their game. 

"Don’t think so, I haven’t really planned anything but I do have a week off before I need to get back to Orlando. Why are you asking?" She looks at Kelley curiously walking over to the bed sitting down next to her best friend who’s chewing on her lower lip, a clear sign that she’s nervous about something. 

"I don’t know, thought maybe you’d want to come with me, we could need a little vacation and I’d love to teach you some more surfing because honestly, you’re not that good yet.“

"I should probably be offended by that." Alex says laughing slightly hitting Kelley’s shoulder who in return hits her with a pillow.

"Hey! Whatever happened to resting and being careful with my head?" Alex yelps and Kelley quickly covers her mouth scooting closer to Alex looking at her worried. 

"Shit sorry, totally slipped my mind. You okay?" Alex can’t help but burst out laughing burying her head in Kelley’s neck, trying to stop laughing but once Kelley starts laughing as well, squeezing her sides playfully it’s completely over for the both of them. 

Kelley falls backwards, dragging Alex with her who’s landing on top of her, head still resting between Kelley’s neck and shoulder.

"Seriously though, would you want to come? It’d be just the two of us, a bit of silence before the next storm hits."   
Kelley says once they’re both breathing normally again, Alex still lying on top of her eyeing the freckles around Kelley’s nose and on her cheeks.

She thinks about it, the thought of having Kelley all for herself for one or two weeks is occupying her whole mind and Alex doesn’t know if she could handle it because right now she is struggling with her feelings.

What if this is really some kind of stupid crush, would it really help her case if they were to spend even more time together or would it make things between them complicated?

"If you don’t want to or need time to think about it that’s totally fine you don’t have to give me an answer right away." Kelley’s looking up at her and there’s a hint of sadness in her eyes and Alex doesn’t want things to be like this between them, she doesn’t want to stay away from someone who means the world to her just because of some questionable feelings she isn’t even sure are there. 

She doesn’t really make the decision, it’s more like her heart decides and her mouth betrays her before she can think about it any further and before she knows it, Alex says "I don’t need time to think about it, let’s do it." 

Kelley immediately cheers up and suddenly she is even closer than she was before their lips are almost touching and Alex kind of panics and rolls down from Kelley, only that she didn’t consider that they were close to the edge of their bed so she falls to the floor.

"Alex oh my god, are you okay?" Kelley asks peeking over the edge of the bed.

"I’m good, fell onto my butt it’s alright." Alex says laughing while Kelley holds out her hand to help her up again. 

This time they lie down next to each other, Alex reaches for the tv remote and turns it on, both of them turning towards the tv. 

"You know, I miss this just spending time with you, spending time with friends. I sometimes forget just how difficult relationships can get." Kelley says once they’re settled on some trash reality show. 

Alex turns to her looking surprised.

She knows a thing or two about complicated relationships, her marriage with Servando isn’t what she thought it would be, no matter how much they try it feels like there’s always something that stands between them and she can’t figure out what it is or how to fight it. 

"Where’s that coming from? Not that I don’t agree but I thought you’re happy." 

Kelley smiles softly she looks like her mind goes elsewhere for a few seconds and it takes some time before she replies. 

"I am happy, I truly am. I’m not sure if I’ve ever been as happy as I am right now, doesn’t mean that everything is always happiness and sunshine though.“

Kelley is happy, that’s all that Alex wanted to hear and yet it kind of hurts that she isn’t the reason why Kelley is so happy.

She knows it’s stupid, she shouldn’t be feeling this way, it doesn’t matter who is making Kelley happy all that matters is that she is, even though it hurts Alex to know that she’s not the reason behind Kelley’s smile.

She tells herself that the feeling is going to pass, if this is anything at all then just a little crush, they come and go.


	4. Chapter 4

"I don’t know if we can fit this into the cab we should’ve rented a truck or something." Alex says trying to rearrange their suitcases in a way that will make them fit into the cab. 

Their cab driver has already given up on the situation and is waiting in the driver’s seat, probably hoping that they’re going to handle everything on their own. 

"It would’ve been pointless to rent a truck to get to the airport, we can still rent one once we’re in Malibu." Kelley argues before she grabs one of their bags, pulling it out of the trunk. 

"I’m going to put this on the other front seat, then we should be able to fit both suitcases inside the trunk and we can squeeze into the backseat." She says and Alex throws her a thankful look, because she knows she’d be lost without Kelley.

They have everything planned out, they’re going to board an early flight to Malibu where Kelley has rented a little beach house for them where they are going to stay for the next weeks. 

After this week Alex will fly back to Orlando and Kelley is going to accompany her since their next game is against each other and this way Kelley doesn’t have to fly back and forth between Orlando and Utah.   
It adds up to almost two weeks of just the two of them.

Alex is excited about it, she hasn’t asked Kelley why she asked her to spend their vacation together when she knows that she could’ve asked her girlfriend.

Part of her is interested in the answer, Alex can’t deny that she’s curious about Kelley’s reasons but this isn’t about Kelley and her relationship, the next week is about them, their vacation and their friendship, relationship talk is off the tables, which is something Alex is thankful for.

She doesn’t want to think about Kelley’s girlfriend she certainly doesn’t want to think about Servando.

"You’re coming? We have a plane to catch." Kelley says reaching for Alex’s hand, basically dragging her into the car. 

Their cab driver turns around to them and asks "Finished?" to which Kelley answers "Yes we’re ready to go.", squeezing Alex’s hand that she’s still holding.

Alex meets Kelley’s gaze and they both hold back their laughter.  
It isn’t the worst cab driver they’ve ever had but it comes pretty close and they’re both very much happy when they arrive at the airport in one piece. 

"That was one hell of a ride." Kelley says laughing once they’re waiting for their flight.

Alex hands her a cup of coffee that Kelley thankfully accepts, sipping the hot liquid while she looks at Alex with an unreadable expression on her face.

"You know I’m really excited about this. It’s going to be just the two of us for the first time in like six years." Alex breath catches in her throat because Kelley is right, they’re going to be completely on their own and it is one thing to spend time with Kelley and their other teammates, it being just the two of them is something entirely else and Alex still isn’t sure how she’s supposed to handle this. 

She wants it to work for their sake but she’s pretty damn scared of doing something that will screw them over.

"Alex are you okay?" Of course Kelley noticed that she isn’t there with her mind, Kelley always notices. It’s a surprise that she hasn’t figured out that Alex is crushing on her yet.

"Yeah I just thought about all the crazy stuff we can do." Alex quickly replies in an attempt to cover up what she was really thinking about.

"Crazy stuff, huh? I thought we’re supposed to relax and recover." Kelley says laughing while Alex stares at her completely in awe. 

It’s not like Kelley isn’t normally gorgeous but there’s just something about her when she smiles that has Alex convinced that her best friend is the prettiest person in the world. 

Suddenly Kelley stops laughing and hastily whispers "Kiss Me." and Alex heart misses a beat or two.

"What", she manages to choke out before Kelley says "For god’s sake Alex, just…" right before she lunges forward and suddenly Kelley’s lips are pressed against hers and oh god, Alex will never be able to think about anything else ever again. 

"Sorry pretty sure there were paparazzi, we don’t want them to know where we’re going, right?" Kelley asks once she pulls back slightly out of breath. 

Alex nods completely dumbfounded and now her heart is aching because of course Kelley would never kiss her just because she wants to.

"Now we just have to hope that they didn’t recognize us because otherwise that is going to be a problem." Kelley says and she’s smiling again and acting like she didn’t just kiss her a minute ago and Alex can’t deal with it, her heart feels like it’s getting stomped on and maybe this is more than just a little crush, this is definitely more than a little crush and she can’t deny that any longer because kissing Kelley is something she wants, no needs, to do again.

But Kelley is in a relationship and Alex is married, something she’s been forgetting a lot lately and she shouldn’t because Servando is a good guy, it might feel like he’s never really there but Alex knows that he loves her and she does love him. 

Alex registers that Kelley is looking at her and she snaps out of her thoughts because she needs to focus on this, she can’t give herself away now, she needs to put on a brave face and act like all of this didn’t just throw her into a whole new level of emotional mess.

"Yeah, can’t have them think that there’s anything going on here." She says with a smile, she’s sure it looks more like a grimace and for a brief second she thinks that Kelley is going to call her out on her bullshit but then their flight is called up and the moment is interrupted. 

Alex doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. 

"I updated our flight to first class." Kelley says casually and Alex stops dead in her tracks whipping her head to the side to look at Kelley.

"You did what?" She asks and Kelley shrugs her shoulders. 

"We just won a World Cup, we have the right to some luxury now and then." She says almost too casually and Alex isn’t sure if she wants to hug or punch her.

"You know that I’m going to pay for my flight, right?" She asks and Kelley raises her eyebrow.

"Uh no, you’re not." Kelley promptly replies and she sounds a bit offended that Alex would even suggest something like that.

"Kelley I’m not letting you pay for two first class flights, not when you already insisted on paying for the beach house." Alex says making Kelley roll her eyes. 

"Come on, let me spoil you for once. It’s no big deal, you can pay the truck that we’re going to rent if you’re so hellbent on paying for something." 

The thought of Kelley spoiling her is truly something and for a second Alex’s mind goes to places it definitely shouldn’t be in before she starts pouting because this is unfair, Kelley shouldn’t be the one paying for everything, this is a friends trip, they should split everything evenly. 

"Don’t pout." Kelley says lightly shoving her shoulder before she smiles at her and Alex just shakes her head, she knows she doesn’t stand a chance against Kelley, she probably wouldn’t without a crush either because Kelley is the most stubborn person she has ever encountered.

"You’re really going to let me pay for the truck?" She asks and Kelley has that triumphant grin on her face that makes Alex want to kiss her but she reminds herself that she can’t.

They’re friends, that’s all they are ever going to be and maybe Alex has to accept that to get over it. 

But then Kelley holds her hand when their flight takes off and she falls asleep resting her head on Alex’s shoulder and maybe this is going to be a lot harder than she thought it would be.

Alex puts her arm around Kelley so that both of them can be comfortable or maybe to be even closer to her best friend and Kelley’s stirs slightly in her sleep but continues sleeping which Alex is thankful for because she didn’t want Kelley to wake up, she’s sleeping so peacefully with a little smile on her face that can only be described as endearing and Alex doesn’t want this moment to end. 

Having Kelley sleep in her arms is one of the best things that has ever happened to Alex, even after winning Olympic gold and two World Cups. 

Kelley means so much to her, not even necessarily in a romantic way it’s just that Alex can’t imagine a life without the defender and she’s slowly starting to realize that she’s never had a relationship quite like this.

She loves her husband, she knows that nothing can ever happen between Kelley and her but there is still a little part of her wondering what would happen if things were different, if Kelley didn’t have a girlfriend, if she never met Serv. 

It’s useless to even think about it because things are the way they are, they won’t magically change, Alex knows that. 

She cuddles even closer to Kelley because suddenly she’s afraid that she’s going to lose Kelley one day, that she might lose Kelley soon if her best friend were to find out about her hidden feelings.

She falls asleep with that thought but at least she’s close to Kelley in this moment.


	5. Chapter 5

Kelley lets her pay for the beach van, Alex is smiling like a little kid when she gets into the driver’s seat and Kelley is just shaking her head laughing at her.

"You’re way too excited about this." Kelley says searching for a radio station on the car radio.

"You’ve got to enjoy the little things in life." Alex replies cheerfully, swatting Kelley’s hand away who offendedly yells "Hey!" before she starts to laugh again.

"What, I like that song, there’s no need to search for another, we’re keeping that one on.“

Kelley just shakes her head because this is typically Alex, when the next song will come on she’s probably going to complain about it.

"Are you going to tell me where the beach house is located or am I supposed to just start driving around?" Alex asks jokingly and Kelley glares at her before she whips out a map. 

"You know that you have an app for that on your phone, right?" Alex asks trying not to laugh. 

"I like things the old fashioned way, don’t make fun of me." Kelley replies quickly and Alex raises her eyebrow but doesn’t comment on it. 

"Take a left turn and then just go straight." Kelley instructs while Alex starts the van following Kelley’s instructions. 

"Ugh, I don’t like this radio station." Alex says as soon as the next song starts and Kelley can’t help but laugh because this was so predictable.

"Give me your phone." She orders and Alex vaguely motions towards her pants. 

"You’re gonna have to get it yourself, I need to focus on the street." She says and Kelley nods before her hand goes to Alex’s leg, fingers tracing over her thigh before she slips her hand into the pocket in Alex’s jeans and Alex almost drives the van into the wrong lane. 

This was a bad idea, Kelley’s hand is too close for comfort and the fact that Alex is sitting down makes it hard to get the phone out of the pocket and she really didn’t think that one trough. 

"Stop squirming, you’re only making it harder." Kelley says so focused on getting the phone that she doesn’t notice that Alex’s face is bright red by now. 

"Got it." She finally says and Alex breathes out so loudly that Kelley looks up at her. 

"Are you okay?" She asks and Alex frantically nods her head even though she thinks she might faint. 

"Why do you even need my phone?" Alex asks hoping that her voice doesn’t tremble as much as she thinks it does. 

"AUX cord, you were complaining about the music." Kelley says before she plugs Alex’s phone in, selecting a playlist that Alex can’t even remember making but she actually likes the music and it distracts her from the lingering feeling of Kelley’s hand on her thigh. 

"Oh." Kelley says suddenly and Alex’s gaze flickers over to her best friend who’s looking down at the map. 

"We should’ve taken a turn to the right like one street ago." Kelley says staring at the map and Alex sighs, because now they’re most likely to get lost. 

"Should I turn around?" She asks but Kelley shakes her head trailing her finger along one of the streets before she starts grinning. 

"Nope, we’re good. Just turn right at the next street corner and we should be back on track." 

Alex complies, driving into the side street before she turns left, setting them back onto one of the main streets.

"How long is the drive to the beach house?" Alex groans when they get stuck in traffic. 

"Like ten more minutes I think.. Well if we were actually driving." Kelley replies skipping the song that’s currently playing. 

"Can I ask you something?" She asks and Alex glances to the side, giving her a questioning look because normally Kelley just asks her whatever it is she wants to know but now she looks uncomfortable and Alex is kind of afraid about what the question could possibly be. 

"Yeah sure." She says and she wonders how many questionable decisions she can make in one day.

"Did you tell Servando where you’re going?" Kelley is chewing on her lower lip while Alex holds her breath for a few seconds. 

"I texted him that I’m going to Malibu for one week." Alex says before she stares at the street in front of them that’s still filled with cars, they haven’t moved in like ten minutes and she wonders for how long they’re going to be stuck there. 

She feels Kelley looking at her she knows that Kelley wants to ask her something else and she’s one hundred percent sure that it’s a question she doesn’t want to answer. 

Kelley being Kelley just drops the topic, it’s the third time that day that Alex wants to lean over and kiss her, she’s starting to notice a pattern there and it makes her want to run because this isn’t supposed to happen, she shouldn’t be crushing on her best friend, she shouldn’t think about kissing her all the time but here they are.

"I can’t wait to finally get to the beach. You know that as soon as we arrive, we’re going to change into bikinis and head down to the water, right?" Kelley says and now Alex is stuck with the image of Kelley in the water, sunlight hitting her in all the right ways and suddenly the air in the car seems several degrees hotter and Alex wonders what the hell she was thinking when she agreed to go on this vacation because she knew that it would involve a lot of water, a lot of bikinis and a lot of Kelley. 

It’s a dream and a nightmare at the same time and part of her wants to laugh about how ridiculous all of this is while the other part wants to cry because what kind of mess is she getting herself into? 

"What if I told you that I’m super tired and need a nap?" Alex asks because it’s the only reason she can think of that would excuse her not going to the beach. 

"You slept on the flight, so I’d say you’re lying." It’s a calm statement and Alex wishes she could tell what Kelley is currently thinking because she’s honestly curious about it, it can’t be anything good because Alex just tried to lie straight to her face and Kelley called her out on it like it was nothing. 

"Do you want to explain what’s going on or do I have to guess?" Kelley asks and Alex curses the traffic because it still looks like they’re going to be stuck there for a while. 

"I don’t know I guess I’m just stressed." Alex says rubbing her fingers against her temple while Kelley is leaning back on the passenger seat closing her eyes for a few seconds before she turns to look at Alex. 

"You’re not going to tell me what the actual reason is, are you?" She asks and Alex can’t help it, she needs to look at Kelley.

Her green eyes are piercing through Alex’s blue ones like she can read her mind and Alex feels a bit dizzy every time she looks into Kelley’s eyes. 

The worst thing is that Kelley looks genuinely worried, like she thinks something is wrong with Alex and she deserves to know the truth but Alex is not ready to talk about it yet, she doesn’t even know what she wants, how could she drag Kelley into this before she’s absolutely certain what this is for her. 

"Okay, you don’t need to tell me but you know that I’m always there if you want to talk about it, right? So whenever you’re ready to talk about what’s going on I’m going to be there." Kelley says with a small smile and make that four instances in one day where Alex wants to kiss her. 

"I love you." She says without thinking and Kelley laughs. 

"Duh, I know I’m irresistible." Kelley says jokingly and Alex laughs even though her heart is hurting, because Kelley is one hundred percent right and she doesn’t even know it. 

"Oh and just to be clear, you’re coming to the beach with me once we make it to our house." Kelley adds and Alex groans because she knows that this is a lost cause, whenever Kelley makes her mind up about something every argument is useless. 

Her best friend gets whatever she wants because Alex is incapable of saying no to her and they both know it.   
Usually Kelley doesn’t use it against her, but now and then it happens and it looks like this is going to be one of those rare cases. 

"See, the road is almost cleared again which means that we’re about to go surfing." Kelley says so cheerful that Alex almost wants to go to the beach voluntarily. 

They arrive at the beach house fifteen minutes later, Alex took three wrong turns because she got distracted by Kelley singing along to the music on the radio seemingly having the time of her life. 

Alex thinks she might be dreaming when she steps out of the van because this beach house looks like an absolute dream and she doesn’t want to think about the fortune that this must’ve cost Kelley. 

"Don’t say that we’re going to split the rent." Kelley says without even looking at her and Alex rolls her eyes mumbling "Fine I won’t, doesn’t mean I’m happy about it." 

Kelley laughs while she heaves her suitcase out of the van, setting it down on the path that leads up to the front yard of the house. 

"I hope that the whole one bed thing isn’t a problem but this is like… a house for freshly married couples so there’s only one bedroom." Kelley says casually and Alex almost drops her suitcase asking "What?" in a voice that doesn’t remotely sound like her own. 

Kelley raises her eyebrow before she replies.  
"What is that going to be a problem? We’re regularly doing that during camp. I mean I can always sleep on the couch in the living room if you want me to." 

She looks irritated by Alex’s behavior and Alex can’t really blame her because Kelley is right, sleeping in one bed has never been a problem between them before, but then again Alex is only now realizing that she might be crushing on Kelley and sleeping in one bed seems like a horrible idea right now but she can’t tell Kelley that.

"No, no it’s all cool. I just didn’t expect that you got us like a honeymoon house." Alex says vaguely gesturing towards the house and she knows how stupid she sounds but Kelley laughs, so that should be fine. 

"Come on, let’s go and check out how it looks inside." Kelley says grabbing her suitcase with one hand and reaching for Alex with her free hand. 

Alex lets Kelley hold her hand all the way inside the house, telling herself that this is okay because they are best friends and best friends hold hands all the time.


	6. Chapter 6

Alex is sitting on their shared bed drinking from a water bottle when Kelley steps out of the bathroom and Alex so wasn’t prepared for this.

She chokes on the water and her face turns bright red and this outfit should absolutely be considered illegal because Kelley looks way too good to be an actual human being. 

"I take it you like my new bikini?" Kelley asks laughing before she gently pats Alex’s back who’s still coughing. 

"You do look really pretty in it." Alex manages to say and Kelley bursts out laughing.

"Now that’s exactly what I wanted to hear." There’s a mischievous glint in Kelley’s eyes, Alex thinks that she might be flirting with her but that can’t be true, can it?

"Why aren’t you dressed yet, hurry up." Kelley changes the topic quickly, dragging Alex up from the bed and almost shoving her towards the bathroom. 

"Relax, we have all the time in the world." Alex says laughing before she grabs her bikini and heads to the bathroom, Kelley just shaking her head. 

When she walks out of the bathroom five minutes later Kelley is already waiting at the door, turning back to Alex nodding slowly like she approves of the outfit, Alex isn’t sure how she feels about it. 

"Great look, I wished you looked as good while surfing." Kelley says and Alex stares at her wide eyed while Kelley laughs so much that she almost stumbles over her own feet. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Alex says trying not to sound offended. 

"That your surfing skills are lacking, obviously." Kelley replies while Alex glares at her because she honestly isn’t half as bad as Kelley is implying. 

Not everyone can be excellent in every single sport like Kelley seems to be, Alex is good at soccer, she doesn’t need to be a world class surfer. 

"You’re just being mean." Alex mumbles and Kelley pouts before she holds out her hand to Alex. 

"Come on, I’m sure I can get you back on track."   
Alex smiles and takes Kelley’s hand, her heart immediately starting to beat just a tad bit faster, but she can deal with this, it’s no big deal it’s just some harmless handholding and it’s just a stupid crush that she’ll overcome soon enough. 

They race each other down to the beach, of course Kelley wins but Alex is close behind her and when Kelley suddenly stops running Alex almost crashes into her.

"What’s going on?" Alex asks and Kelley turns to look at her. 

"Do you feel like maybe we forgot something?" Kelley asks and Alex looks back at her in confusion. 

"Surfboards?" Kelley says and Alex registers that she’s right, they don’t have any surfboards with them.   
Alex doesn’t own one and Kelley’s is back at her place. 

"Oh." Alex says and Kelley laughs before she turns back towards the house.

"What are you doing?" Alex asks looking after her confused.

"I’m going back inside to look where the next surf shop is." Kelley explains nonchalantly not even turning back. 

"Do you want me to come with you?" Alex asks and now Kelley turns back.

"Well you could wait here, but I guess some company would be nice since we don’t know where the closest shop is. Maybe we can walk or maybe we have to take the car."   
Alex nods before she runs after Kelley.

Luckily for them a surf shop is a five minute walk away from their beach house and they’re back at the beach with two brand new surf boards before they know it. 

"I can’t believe that you actually made me buy one instead of just borrowing one." Alex groans but she can’t hide the smile on her face as Kelley throws her arm around her. 

"Don’t act like that, we both know you love it." Alex shakes her head laughing, jokingly shoving Kelley away. 

Things don’t really go the way Alex wants them to go, she hasn’t been on a surf board in quite a while and it does show and Kelley is making fun of her and she knows that she doesn’t mean it like that but it’s getting to her and then suddenly she’s close to tears and Kelley’s smile falters. 

"Hey I’m sorry, it’s no big deal. We’ll get you back into top surfing shape in no time, promise." Kelley says paddling over to Alex on her board.

"I just thought that I’ve gotten better." Alex says voice cracking a bit and she feels so stupid because this is nothing she has to be upset about, there is absolutely no reason for her to be on the verge of tears and now Kelley is looking at her with so much concern in her eyes that it makes Alex want to cry even more. 

"Get on my board." Kelley says suddenly and Alex looks back at her irritated. 

"Uh why?" She asks and Kelley rolls her eyes. 

"Just do it, your balance is off. I’m going to help you.“

It sounds like a horrible idea, Alex can imagine how this is going to end, Kelley is going to come really close to her and she’s going to lose it and will throw both of them into the water. 

"What are you waiting for, you want to get better, right?" Kelley asks once again and Alex just sighs and does what Kelley wants. 

She stands relatively stable on Kelley’s board, there is a slight shift that almost throws her down but then Kelley is behind her, steadying her and Alex can’t help but wonder if it’s really necessary to be this close because Kelley is legit pressed against her and when Kelley leans forward to whisper into her ear her breath is tickling against Alex’s neck and she think she might die. 

"See this ain’t so bad." Kelley says softly and Alex kind of wants to tell her exactly how bad this is for her mental health because she feels like she’s about to go absolutely crazy.

"Now focus on me." Kelley says and Alex almost laughs because she’s trying to do anything but focusing on Kelley which is probably the reason why they’re both hitting the water a few seconds later. 

They both resurface coughing before they start laughing. 

"Okay this wasn’t bad. You need to relax a little bit more, you were really tense, maybe you could use a massage or something." Kelley says with a grin. 

The last thing Alex wants to think about right now is a massage, she knows that she doesn’t need one because the only reason why she’s so tense is Kelley being this close to her. 

"I think that’s enough for today, we can try again tomorrow. Do you mind if I hit a few waves?" Kelley asks and Alex quickly shakes her head, she certainly doesn’t mind she can sit down at the beach and just watch Kelley work her magic. 

"I’ll just wait for you, have fun." Alex says with a smile and Kelley is beaming with glee when she rushes further into the water with her board while Alex grabs her own board and heads back towards the beach. 

She sits down in the sand and watches Kelley chasing the waves.

The sun is slowly going down bathing everything in different shades of red, orange and yellow and when Kelley finally comes back to the beach, running towards Alex, Alex’s breath catches in her throat because now she is entirely convinced that she has never seen someone as beautiful as Kelley O’Hara. 

"So that was a lot of fun." Kelley says letting herself fall into the sand next to Alex before she turns to look at her. 

"How are you so good at everything you do?" Alex asks and at first Kelley laughs but when she realizes that Alex really meant what she was asking she turns quiet. 

"Don’t know, I guess I’m just really dedicated when it comes to stuff I’m passionate about." She says after a while meeting Alex’s gaze and smiling a little bit while Alex nods slowly. 

"Your problem is that you overthink everything. It’s not a lack of dedication or passion, you just think about stuff too much and try to interpret everything, you need to feel more, live in the moment. Close your eyes." Kelley commands and Alex raises her eyebrow. 

"For god’s sake, that’s exactly what I was talking about. Now you’re thinking about why I want you to close your eyes. Just do it." Kelley says laughing and Alex rolls her eyes but she does as Kelley says. 

She feels Kelley taking her hand and wants to open her eyes but Kelley quietly says "Leave them closed." so Alex does as she’s told. 

When Kelley places Alex’s hand on her chest Alex’s eyes almost snap open but once again Kelley is faster.

"Closed." she whispers while she’s holding Alex’s hand in place. 

"Focus on my heartbeat." Kelley whispers and Alex isn’t sure if she can because all she’s able to hear is her own heart hammering in her chest but eventually she feels Kelley’s heartbeat, calm and steady and slowly she feels herself relax. 

Her eyes are still closed but she can feel Kelley smiling, a warm feeling spreading through her whole body at the thought of Kelley’s smile. 

"Okay you’re good. Now slowly open your eyes." Kelley says voice still barely louder than a whisper but it’s just the two of them, so she doesn’t has to talk any louder. 

Alex slowly opens her eyes and sees green eyes looking back at her. 

"So what are our plans for the night?" Kelley asks and Alex stares at her until Kelley continues with a "staying in or heading for a party?" 

"Staying in, I think we’ve had enough to drink during the World Cup aftermath." Alex says and Kelley nods slowly with a grin.

"But we’re still going to a party, it isn’t a real vacation without a party. Doesn’t have to be today though." 

Alex isn’t sure if she wants to go to a party because she knows that there’s going to be a lot of alcohol involved and she doesn’t know if she can control herself well enough under the influence of alcohol. 

She isn’t even sure if she can control herself without the alcohol for much longer because Kelley is eventually going to drive her crazy and she can only hope that she’ll get this crush out of her system before they go to whatever party Kelley decides to go to.

"Come on, I saw a pizza delivery flyer on the table in the living room, we should get something to eat." Kelley says suddenly jumping up before she offers Alex’s her hand helping her stand up. 

They walk back to the beach house and Kelley goes looking for the flyer while Alex heads into the bathroom to change. 

When she steps out of the bathroom, freshly showered, hair pulled back into a bun Kelley walks into their bedroom with a smile. 

"Pizza will be here in like twenty minutes. I’m taking a shower now." Kelley says heading for the bathroom before she turns back. 

"Money is on the kitchen table." She closes the door behind her Alex shouting "Forget it, I’m paying." after her. 

She can hear Kelley laugh on the other side of the door before she hears the shower being turned on. 

She doesn’t want to think about Kelley in the shower so Alex quickly heads for the living room and sits down on the couch, turning the tv on with the volume louder than necessary.

It’s their first day of a seven days long vacation and she already can’t stop thinking about Kelley and maybe it was their kiss earlier at the airport that made her so hyper aware of her crush because it feels worse than it did the last few days. 

Alex tells herself that the feeling is going to pass right when Kelley enters the living room, sitting down next to her on the couch before she steals the tv remote away from Alex. 

Alex lets her take control of the program because she won’t be able to focus on whatever is on anyway.

When the doorbell rings Alex is quick to jump up and to her surprise Kelley lets her, so she pays for the pizza and then they snuggle up on the couch where they talk until late at night. 

They never make it to bed that night, both of them falling asleep halfway through an old episode of the Bachelor.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex somehow survives their vacation, she isn’t sure how because all those snuggles, falling asleep with Kelley in her arms every single night, coincidental touches that are just innocent enough to count as friendly, several surfing lessons involving way too much skin on skin contact, the list goes on. 

If she thought that this was going to help her over her crush she was dead wrong because it only made it worse. 

Somehow Alex also managed to dodge the whole going to a party plan, well that is until their last evening where Kelley’s had enough. 

"We’re going to a club tonight and you won’t be able to stop me. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.“

Alex sighs and walks over to the closet that they share, trying to pick out a dress. 

She’s still convinced that this is a bad idea, but who is she to deny Kelley the one thing she has been asking for all week. 

"I’m going to take a shower and change, pick out something nice to wear." Kelley says jokingly as Alex rummages through her clothes, trying to decide on what to wear. 

She has taken a few dresses with her, but she isn’t sure which one could fit the occasion. Most of their stuff is already packed because they’re going to Orlando the next day which limits her options even more.   
She doesn’t want it to be too revealing not that Kelley would care but maybe it’s going to stop Alex from doing something stupid. 

She decides on a short black dress, it’s shorter than it should be and Alex is well aware of that, but it doesn’t stop her. 

When Kelley steps out of the bathroom Alex forgets to breathe because if she thought her dress was a bit too much she isn’t sure what Kelley’s dress is. 

The words mind-blowing, otherworldly and absolutely breathtaking cross her mind but they still don’t do Kelley any justice. 

The dress is black with silver glitter, it’s showing some cleavage, just enough to keep her wondering and when Kelley spins around laughing Alex registers that the dress is pretty much backless and she is so going to die tonight. 

"You like it?" Kelley asks cheerfully and Alex just nods because she thinks her voice is going to betray her otherwise. 

"Come on get ready, I can’t wait to be dancing all night." Kelley says Alex shaking her head with a laugh before she walks to the bathroom with her dress. 

She notices that Kelley is staring at her when she steps out of the bathroom half an hour later, but Alex doesn’t comment on it because maybe she’s imagining things and this means nothing. 

It’s around nine when they arrive at the club, the dance floor is already filled so they head towards the bar first, Alex wants to order something light with not too much alcohol but Kelley looks almost offended as she says it and says that this is their last evening and their last chance to really let loose for a while and Alex is quickly convinced to order some cocktail with Vodka and she knows that it’s a bad idea when she downs the drink in five minutes, but Kelley seems so damn happy about it and maybe she is right, maybe she should let a bit loose at least for the evening. 

After their second drink Kelley drags Alex over to the dance floor and they end up dancing pressed up against each other, Alex isn’t sure if she feels hot because of Kelley’s body pressed against her or because there’s seemingly no air in the club, maybe it’s a bit of both. 

Kelley throws her head back laughing, letting it rest against Alex’s shoulder and Alex smiles down at her, realizing once again how lucky she is to have Kelley in her life, it doesn’t matter in what capacity, if they’re only supposed to be best friends then that’s alright with her. 

They last for fifteen minutes until Kelley shouts "I need another drink." and she grabs Alex’s hand, leading them through the crowd of half drunk people until they reach the bar. 

Kelley orders Tequila, Alex makes a mental note to keep track of everything they’ve been drinking so far and she’s already losing track because she can’t remember whatever ingredients their second drink contained. 

All that Alex knows is that she’s already a bit buzzed while Kelley seems completely fine, maybe a bit happier than usual but that’s not a bad thing. 

Everything is fine until some guy sits down at the bar next to them. 

Alex is fairly drunk at that point and Kelley is positively tipsy. 

He’s not bad looking, not at all in fact but Alex can tell from the moment he sits down that he’s one of those dudes that are really hard to get rid off. 

His gaze is fixated on Kelley and Alex doesn’t like it. 

Before she thinks she has ordered two more shots of Tequila, earning her a surprised yet appreciative look from Kelley. 

"Slowly getting in the mood, huh?" Kelley asks laughing breath tickling against Alex’s neck and Alex just wants to pull her in during that moment. 

"It’s not as bad as I thought it would be." She replies and Kelley smiles at her.

Suddenly the guy clears his throat making Kelley look away from Alex, but the look on her face tells Alex everything she needs to know. 

"What is it?" Kelley asks and Alex is impressed that she doesn’t sound as annoyed as she clearly is. 

"Can I buy you a drink?" The guy asks clearly thinking that he’s set onto a path of success, Alex can’t wait to see his hopes being shattered. 

"No, thanks." Kelley says politely but direct and he looks absolutely stunned. 

"Uh why not, I’m paying." He says and Kelley raises her eyebrow. 

"I don’t need you to buy me a drink." Kelley still sounds way too polite but Alex can tell that she is slowly getting pissed because the tone of her voice has slightly changed, the guy though clearly doesn’t catch on. 

"Come on, I’ll even throw in a drink for your friend." He says motioning his head towards Alex who’s had enough of this at this point. 

"Dude she’s not interested. Just leave us alone." Alex says voice sharp and for a few seconds she thinks that it actually works because he looks taken aback but then he frowns.

"She can tell me that herself." He says looking expectantly at Kelley who rolls her eyes.

"I’m not interested." She says, Alex waiting for the guy to leave but he doesn’t.

"I don’t believe you." He says and now Alex wants to slap him, because he clearly doesn’t know when to stop trying. 

She doesn’t get the chance to do it though because suddenly Kelley is pulling her in and next thing she feels is Kelley’s lips pressed against hers and when Kelley’s tongue pushes against her lips Alex is so shocked that she just lets it happen, not that she would’ve been able to resist if she hadn’t been caught completely off guard. 

She never wants the kiss to stop because kissing Kelley might be the most intoxicating thing that she’s ever experienced. 

The kiss ends too soon and Kelley smugly turns to look at the guy whose face is completely pale. 

"Proof enough?" Kelley asks and he scrambles away without another word, while Kelley starts laughing. 

"Come on, let’s go back to dancing." She says slightly slurring her words and Alex should say something about the kiss because it felt anything but platonic and Kelley initiated it, but she’s afraid to ask so she lets herself be dragged back onto the dance floor. 

She realizes just how drunk Kelley is when she suddenly starts grinding on Alex and Alex can barely hold back a moan and this isn’t good because if Kelley is drunk it means that Alex is as well. 

They’ve had the same stuff to drink and Alex is much more of a lightweight than Kelley could ever be so she’s pretty sure that she’s one hundred percent screwed. 

"Want to go home?" Kelley asks words slightly slurred and there’s something in her voice that makes Alex’s blood go absolutely cold before it feels like it’s going to boil at any second. 

She wants to shake her head because this is a terrible idea but her body isn’t doing what she wants and she feels herself nod and Kelley is smirking at her and god help her because this is going to end in a disaster. 

They stumble out of the bar, Kelley trying to get them a cab, the stumbling yet another indicator of how drunk they both are. 

Alex hopes that the night air is going to sober her up a bit but then Kelley throws herself into her arms, mumbling something about feeling cold and Alex loses it at the faint smell of Kelley’s perfume and the urge to kiss her is suddenly all present again and luckily a cab pulls up next to them in that moment because Alex doesn’t know what she would’ve done if that hadn’t been the case. 

They squeeze into the backseat, Kelley tells the driver their address before she snuggles close to Alex again and there is no need to do that because the cab is quite spacious but it seems like Kelley wants to be as close to her as possible and Alex feels Kelley’s hand resting on her thigh and her mind is going to places where it most definitely shouldn’t be and Alex can only hope that the drive is going to be short. 

By the time that they actually make it back to their beach house Alex is so sexually frustrated that she thinks about excusing herself and heading for the shower to get herself off but Kelley is so clingy and drunk that she would probably insist on showering together and while that is a welcoming thought for Alex right now she knows that it can’t happen. 

Having Kelley all over her is getting to her though and she can feel her resistance wavering because she is only human, in fact she’s a very drunk human and not sure if the word self control still exists in her vocabulary. 

"You look really hot tonight." Kelley says as they stumble through the door and towards the bedroom and before Alex knows what’s happening, Kelley lets herself fall onto the bed, dragging Alex with her. 

She makes the mistake of looking into Kelley’s eyes and she’s not sure if they’re green anymore, they do look a lot darker than usual. 

She doesn’t know what it is but something inside Alex snaps and she knows that this is a stupid idea but she ignores it, she can deal with the consequences later and she leans in to kiss Kelley who gasps in surprise and Alex thinks she might slap her but instead Kelley moans and pulls Alex more on top of her, returning the kiss and Alex’s head is absolutely spinning at this point because this can’t be happening. 

"Dress, take it off." Kelley whispers between kisses and once again Alex’s breath catches in her throat. 

She looks at Kelley for a few seconds just to make sure that she heard her right, but Kelley seems impatient because she reaches around Alex to open her dress, it’s all the confirmation Alex needs. 

"Sit up." She says against Kelley’s lips while she pushes herself up so that she’s straddling Kelley. 

Alex reaches behind her back to open the dress, struggling a bit because the zipper is really far down Kelley’s back but eventually she finds it. 

They help each other out of their dresses, both of them fumbling a bit due to their drunken state but eventually they manage to undress each other. 

Alex is still straddling Kelley’s lap and she can’t help but stare at the woman in front of her because she’s so damn beautiful. 

"Kiss me." Kelley says, Alex gladly doing what she’s told. 

She starts with kissing her lips but eventually she trails down going for her neck and Kelley whimpers, Alex is pretty sure that she’s never heard a sound quite like it and then suddenly she’s flipped over and she kind of forgot just how strong Kelley is, but now she gets a very vivid reminder. 

Kelley is smiling at her smugly before she leans down and trails kisses all over Alex’s stomach and this has to be some kind of dream because there’s no way that this is really happening. 

Suddenly Kelley pulls back and Alex wants to complain but then Kelley reaches behind her back and unclasps her bra smirking knowingly when Alex just stares at her. 

"Touch me." Kelley says quietly and Alex’s hands are shaking but Kelley is smiling at her reassuringly before she grabs Alex’s hand pulling it towards her chest. 

"Focus." Kelley whispers placing Alex’s hand on her chest smiling at her and Alex can feel Kelley’s heartbeat, she closes her eyes and focuses on it before her eyes snap open and Kelley is still smirking. 

"Better?" She asks and Alex nods leaning up so she can kiss Kelley who hums contently. 

This time Kelley reaches behind her back to get rid off Alex’s bra and when Kelley starts touching her Alex can no longer hold back her moans. 

By the time that Kelley slips her underwear down Alex’s legs she’s a complete mess and it doesn’t take long until both of them fall back onto the bed exhausted, Kelley resting on top of Alex. 

"We should do that again sometime." Kelley whispers against Alex’s neck before they both fall asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Alex wakes up with a splitting headache the next day and for a few moments she’s completely disoriented until flashbacks from the previous night come rushing back into her mind and she notices the naked body next to her and oh god, this is bad, like really bad.

Kelley is still asleep, she looks so peaceful and Alex doesn’t know how she screwed up so badly.   
She needs to get away and fast, her gaze goes to the clock, there’s still time until they need to get to the airport and there’s still time for her to slip out of this bed. 

It’s a bit difficult to untangle herself from Kelley without waking her up especially with her head spinning.

Once she’s out of the bed Alex rushes into the bathroom, turning the shower ice cold because she needs this right now. 

She leans against the cold wall letting the water hit her, trying not to think about what she’s done. 

How are they supposed to move on from this, she just slept with her best friend, her best friend who has a girlfriend. 

And she’s married for god’s sake, not that Serv would care that much, they decided early on in their marriage that the whole long distance thing wasn’t working like they wanted it to, so they decided to keep their options open. It still feels like betrayal because until now Alex has never taken advantage of her option to sleep with someone else. 

She wonders if she has to tell Servando about this, they might be in an open relationship but this is Kelley and it feels like she overstepped their boundaries, she most definitely overstepped her and Kelley’s boundaries. 

She lets herself glide down to the floor, burying her face inside her hands while the cold water runs down her body. 

It takes her fifteen minutes to collect herself, she’s going to make breakfast and then she and Kelley are going to have a talk and then they’ll have to fly back to Orlando together and spend the next six days there crammed up in Alex’s apartment and while that seemed like a good thing for their friendship a week ago, right now it feels like the worst scenario she could imagine. 

Alex gets out of the shower, changes into comfortable clothes and then tiptoes through the bedroom, closing the door behind her as quietly as possible. 

She walks into the kitchen and prepares some coffee and pancakes.

She’s about to pour some coffee into one of the mugs that are standing in front of her when she hears Kelley’s voice. 

"Morning." She sounds sleepy and Alex for some reason didn’t expect her to walk into the kitchen so she almost drops the coffee pot. 

She turns around, not meeting Kelley’s gaze though, but offering her one of the coffee cups that Kelley takes thankfully. 

Alex sips from her cup when Kelley starts speaking again. 

"Wild night yesterday, huh?" Alex chokes on her coffee, face going bright red because the last thing she expected was Kelley to be so bold about this. 

"I swear I don’t remember a single thing that happened yesterday." Kelley says jumping onto the kitchen counter, stealing one of the pancakes that Alex prepared and oh, that does make sense and Alex’s face falls because this might be worse than having to talk about what happened. 

"Those are delicious." Kelley says mouth stuffed with pancakes and Alex feels sick to her stomach because what is she supposed to do now?

Does she have to tell Kelley that they slept together or is she supposed to act like it never happened?

"Where are you with your mind?" Kelley asks and Alex’s gaze snaps up because she can’t tell Kelley where she is with her mind and how is she supposed to ever forget that this happened.

"I still need to pack some stuff before we leave." Alex mumbles and rushes out of the kitchen, leaving Kelley alone with the pancakes and a cup of coffee that’s still half full. 

Alex throws the rest of her clothes into her suitcase carelessly, she has to repack everything like three times because she can’t make anything fit, maybe it’s because her mind keeps going back to Kelley kissing her, Kelley trailing kisses down her stomach, Kelley carefully sliding down her underwear, Kelley moaning against her neck. 

By the time Alex is finally done with packing she feels like she needs to take another shower or maybe use a device to erase her memories. 

She does none of these things and instead heads back to the kitchen but Kelley is no longer there. 

She finds a little note pinned against the fridge, telling her that Kelley went down to the beach one last time to surf a bit before they leave. 

It stings that she didn’t ask Alex to come with her not that Alex can blame her for it, her surfing skills are still lacking and she promised Kelley a few days ago that she would try to train regularly now that she owned her own board. 

Alex thinks about going down to the beach to look for Kelley but maybe she needs some space, maybe she shouldn’t go looking for Kelley and maybe there’s a little part of her that’s afraid that she’s going to do something stupid again. 

Alex decides to go for a run instead. She plugs in her headphones, turns the volume up and just starts running. 

She knows that she can’t outrun what happened, she could never forget about that night, about the feeling of Kelley’s skin against hers or the look in Kelley’s eyes when she kissed her, but she needs to stop thinking at least for a short while and running usually does the job. 

It doesn’t this time, she tries to block her thoughts about Kelley out, tries to focus on the path in front of her but all she can hear when she tries to focus is Kelley’s heartbeat. Eventually she gives up and just heads back to their beach house.

She’s even more frustrated than she was before and Alex doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to handle the situation and she feels so damn lonely with this because usually she would run to Kelley when she has troubles but now Kelley is the cause of her problems.

Then she remembers the conversation she had with Kelley back in California when they played Ireland. 

Kelley telling her that she was the happiest she’s ever been and Alex’s heart aches because she knows that Kelley can never find out about their night, because she would blame herself for screwing up her relationship and maybe that’s a burden that Alex has to carry on her own, for the two of them.   
It’s the least she can do, Kelley won’t know it but maybe that’s what is going to save their friendship. 

Alex puts on a brave face as she steps through the door, she can do this, she can spend six more days with Kelley and act like nothing is going on. 

After that both of them will go back to their own life and they won’t see each other for a while because both of them will have their hands full with work. Maybe it’s enough time to get over this crush, maybe she can get over it. 

It sounds like a lie and deep down Alex knows that it’s exactly that but she’s too deep in denial, too desperate to save whatever it is that they have. 

Kelley is sitting in the living room when Alex gets back, her hair is still wet from surfing or the shower that she probably took afterwards and she smiles at Alex but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

"Went for a run?" She asks and Alex nods before she nods her head towards the bedroom. 

"I’m gonna go and shower quickly, we still have enough time before we need to get to the airport, right?" 

"Sure, besides I don’t want you all sweaty next to me for a whole flight." Kelley says clearly joking but Alex remembers how sweaty they both were the previous night and she feels her face heating up so she spins around and rushes out of the room, quickly heading to their bedroom. 

It’s the second time that day that Alex turns the temperature of the shower too cold on purpose but she needs to get her mind cleared, needs to forget about what happened, needs to wash away every last trace of Kelley even though it hurts. 

She probably spends too long in the shower because at some point there’s a knock on the bathroom door and she hears Kelley’s concerned voice. 

"Alex, are you okay in there?" She’s not okay, she feels like crying and shouting and maybe slapping herself for being such an idiot, for letting her feelings get the best of her, for sleeping with her best friend. 

"Yeah be out there in a sec." She shouts, turning the shower off, wrapping a towel tightly around her body before she unlocks the door. 

Kelley is standing in the doorway suitcase in her hand looking back at Alex. 

"Quick, change clothes and then let’s go, we don’t want to miss our flight. I’m going to pack the van." Kelley says and Alex just does as she’s told because she’s feeling exhausted and just wants to stop thinking. 

The drive to the airport is silent the radio car saves them from needing to have a conversation which Alex is thankful for, because she wouldn’t know what to say and she wonders if it’s always going to be like this from now on. 

She feels Kelley’s gaze on her multiple times but she tries to keep her own gaze on the road, she can’t bare to look at her best friend she’s afraid that Kelley is going to read her mind or spot the guilt in her eyes. 

"What happened to your shoulder there’s like a purple bruise…" Kelley says and Alex almost drives them off the road because while she can’t be absolutely certain she’s pretty sure that Kelley was biting into said shoulder the night before. 

"I uhhh must’ve hit it against something." Alex mumbles and she wonders how Kelley was able to forget about last night because they might’ve been drunk but she can remember every last detail very vividly. 

Usually it’s the other way around, she doesn’t think that Kelley ever had a complete blackout before but there’s a first time for everything, even though there shouldn’t be a first time sleeping with your best friend. 

"I still feel so drunk." Kelley mumbles staring out the window. 

"Yeah, tell me about it." Alex replies chuckling before they both go silent once again. 

It’s not that the silence between them is uncomfortable, but it leaves Alex alone with her thoughts thinking about all of the things she could possibly say, thinking about what she wants to tell Kelley, thinking that she wants to kiss Kelley again and knowing that she’s not supposed to be thinking about this. 

So Alex goes back and forth between doing something she knows she shouldn’t even think about and trying not to think about it. She’s sure that things eventually are going to come crashing down on her, she screwed up and it’s going to catch up with her, she can’t keep this a secret forever and she knows it.

But maybe just maybe she’s going to be able to pretend just long enough, at least until Kelley is a safe distance away from her back in Utah while Alex stays in Orlando.

They arrive at the airport and Kelley tells her that she got them first class tickets again. Alex feels too tired to argue and Kelley notices, because she surely expected her to fight back but when Alex remains silent she looks at her worried like she’s asking what’s wrong without actually asking.

Alex wishes that she could tell her, she craves to tell Kelley what is bothering her but she knows that she can’t so she just slightly shakes her head before she puts on a smile and says "You’re an idiot, but I still love you." 

There’s something in the look that Kelley gives her in return that Alex can’t read and for the whole flight she’s stuck wondering what it is.


	9. Chapter 9

She barely sees Kelley during her six day visit. They might eat breakfast and dinner together but apart from that everything seems strange.

Kelley spends most of her time at the gym because she needs to be ready for the game, or at least that’s what she tells Alex and Alex is kind of busy with training herself and with avoiding being too close to Kelley.

They still end up cuddling on Alex’s couch every evening and on their third night Alex is almost convinced that she can do this, that she can get over her crush. 

"I don’t want to go home in two days." Kelley says as they’re lying on the couch the night before the play. 

Kelley has her hands in Alex’s hair, playing with it and Alex turns to look at her with a smile. 

"Pretty sure that your team is not going to like it if you stay here." Alex says and Kelley laughs.

"I’m going to kick your ass tomorrow, I’m sure that as long as I deliver they’d be okay with it." 

Alex scoffs before she replies.  
"Please as if you were able to kick my ass. We’re going to beat you tomorrow and you know it." 

Kelley raises her eyebrow mumbling, "Yeah you keep telling yourself that." before both of them burst into laughter, holding onto each other as they almost tumble down from the couch. 

When they’re both able to breathe normally again Kelley turns to look at Alex.

"For real though, I’m a bit sad that our vacation is coming to an end. I had a lot of fun." 

Alex bites her lip and nods slowly, carefully choosing what to say next. 

"So did I, but life isn’t one big vacation, I guess we eventually have to go back to our normal life." The truth is Alex doesn’t want their vacation to end, she doesn’t want to go back to her normal life, for a second she thinks about asking Kelley to run away with her, but she can’t, she swore to herself that she would get over it because Kelley is happy with her girlfriend and she has Servando and everything is going to turn out alright once they’re both back to their regular life. 

"There’s always next vacation though, right?" Kelley asks and there’s a longing in her gaze that makes Alex’s heart miss a couple of beats and her voice is shaking when she whispers "Of course." 

Kelley nods as if that’s all she needed to hear and she hugs Alex close to her as if it’s the last chance she’ll ever get. 

"You know that no matter who wins tomorrow, loser has to go and celebrate with the winner team, right? Because I am not spending my last night here without you." Kelley says it so sincerely that Alex bites back on a comment about how she’s not going to be the one who will lose and instead just nods with a smile on her face.

"Can I drive with you to the stadium tomorrow or are you going to let me search the way on my own in hopes that I’m going to be too late to the game?" Kelley asks after a while and Alex laughs. 

"Are you implying that I’m planning to play dirty?" She asks and Kelley rolls her eyes playfully before she says "Well I wouldn’t rule it out." 

Alex smacks her offended saying "We can’t be friends anymore." jokingly while Kelley just shakes her head laughing. 

"And yes, of course you can drive with me. I just hope that my teammates are still talking to me afterwards, don’t want them to think that I’m conspiring with the enemy." 

"Oh now I am the enemy?" Kelley asks laughing before she adds, "besides that my team could be thinking the same." 

"We can agree that we’re both going to be considered traitors then." Alex says before her gaze goes to the clock. 

"We should go to sleep, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow and we’re gonna get killed if we’re not on our best behavior and well rested."   
As if to confirm her statement Kelley yawns before she nods. 

"Yeah you’re right we should go to sleep. Are you going to wake me up tomorrow morning or do I need to put my alarm on?" 

"I’m offended that you need to ask that." Alex says and Kelley shoots her a smile that makes her heart go all fuzzy. 

The next morning Alex is woken up by a strange sound coming from the kitchen. 

Still sleepy she rolls out of her bed and makes her way to the kitchen where Kelley is leaning over the kitchen counter looking up at Alex with a smile. 

"Hey, sorry I didn’t want to wake you up."   
"It’s no big deal, are you thinking about transferring?"   
Alex asks amused when she realizes that Kelley is wearing one of her Orlando jerseys while simultaneously trying to ignore that she’s just wearing the jersey and suddenly her legs seem much longer than they are and Alex forces herself to look away because her thoughts are going to places they shouldn’t go to once again. 

"Haha very funny. I think I’m regretting that I wanted to surprise you with breakfast." 

Alex hops onto the kitchen counter and pouts, Kelley walking up to her with a spoon filled with what looks like cookie dough. 

She only stops when she’s standing in between Alex’s legs smirking. 

"Want a taste?" She asks holding the spoon right in front of Alex’s mouth and Alex is not convinced that she’s really talking about the cookie dough but she nods, Kelley feeding her some of the dough. 

"Hmm delicious." Alex hums approvingly and Kelley is smiling so hard that Alex thinks her face has to hurt. 

"Cookies are almost ready, we have to hurry though because we don’t want to be late." Kelley says tipping the spoon against Alex’s nose who laughs before she wipes the cookie dough away. 

"I’ll get ready, then we can have breakfast and then it’s off to the stadium, promise." She says before she heads out of the kitchen and for the bathroom. 

The game is hard, Kelley is in top form and somehow always gets into Alex’s way when she tries to go for the goal and Alex is getting seriously frustrated within the first twenty minutes. 

It doesn’t help to see the smug grin on Kelley’s face and when Christen almost scores a goal for Utah Alex knows that she has to put in some more effort. 

She tries to outrun Kelley several times and the first few tries she fails, Kelley always catching up to her but eventually Alex sees a minor free space in the defense and doges a bit more to the right than she usually would’ve and Kelley realizes it too late, making it the perfect shot for Alex. 

She scores and hears Kelley curse under her breath.   
She shoots her an apologetic look and Kelley rolls her eyes, clearly frustrated that she wasn’t able to predict that move. 

The second half is even worse than the first one because now Kelley is the one who’s frustrated and it shows.

She almost runs into Alex trying to get a ball and Alex can dodge last second but she loses the ball to Kelley who rushes in the other direction with it.

Then Christen gets a decent ball twenty minutes into the second half and scores making them even goal wise.

Alex gets another decent chance of a shot but Corsie is able to block it and the time is running out, she needs an idea to score. 

She feels Kelley watching her as she moves, because of course Kelley is trying to reads her thoughts and her game plan, Alex doesn’t have one right now though so that might be her advantage. 

When Marta shoots the ball into her direction Alex easily picks it up, she can see that Corsie is expecting her so she runs towards Kelley instead who looks surprised and hesitates for a second too long, Alex already hitting the ball into the direction of the goal, Kelley slides but it’s too late, she hits Alex’s ankle instead of the ball and Alex hisses in pain, staying down. 

Kelley curses and kneels down beside her, asking if she’s okay. 

Alex nods, the pain already subsiding when Kelley grabs her hand, whispering a gentle "Sorry, I didn’t mean to." 

Kelley stands up, offering Alex her hand who stands up, testing if she can keep going, waving the medic away when she realizes that it’s not that bad. 

Her second goal is the last one and they beat Utah two to one.

After the game Alex goes looking for Kelley, she finds her in front of the stadium talking to Christen. 

"You got me worried there for a second, I really thought I hurt you." Kelley says when Alex jumps onto her back, Kelley somehow prepared for it, catching her effortlessly.

"I’m not that easy to get off the field." Alex says jokingly and she can tell that Kelley is rolling her eyes despite her not being able to see her best friend’s face. 

Kelley sets her back down on the ground and Alex hugs Christen who congratulates her on winning the game. 

"Speaking of winning, Kelley promised me to go and celebrate with us tonight, are you in as well?" Alex asks and Christen raises her eyebrow. 

"You’re celebrating our loss, who are you and what have you done to the Kelley O’Hara I know?" 

"For some reason I thought we’d win and Alex would have to come to our party." Kelley replies sounding a bit annoyed but Alex knows that she doesn’t mean it like that. 

"So, are you in?" Alex asks turning to Christen again who’s clearly thinking about it. 

"I kind of wanted to face time with Tobin but I guess I could do that now and then go with you later." 

"Very good, it’s settled then. I promise I’m going to protect you from eventual danger." Alex jokes and now both Kelley and Christen roll their eyes at her. 

"Besides, I’m sure Ali and Ash are going to be happy to see you guys again." Alex adds and Christen laughs. 

"Yeah, it’s not like we played in a game together two weeks ago, you make it sound like we haven’t seen each other in months." 

"Well I’ve been stuck with Kelley for two weeks now for me it does feel like I have seen no one else in months." 

Christen looks surprised and Alex realizes that they told no one about their little getaway.

"I’m not sure if I should consider that a compliment or an insult." Kelley says and Alex grins.

"Interpret it however you want." 

"So where did you guys go?" Christen interrupts looking at them with a look that makes Alex feel like she’s being interrogated or questioned for a murder she didn’t commit. 

"Malibu, right after the Ireland game. I thought Alex’s head could use a break after that concussion." Kelley jokes and Alex glares at her because her head had been alright by the time that they got to Malibu and Kelley only said that to tease her. 

"Ahh surfing vacation, I see. I gotta run, I’ll text you later because of location and time details, yeah?" Christen says turning to Alex who nods before her and Kelley both take their turns hugging Christen. 

As soon as she’s out of hearing range Kelley turns to Alex. 

"She’s going to ditch us for Tobs, isn’t she?" 

Alex chuckles before she says "Probably. It’s okay though, they’re in love, can we really blame them for wanting to spend as much time together as possible?" 

There’s a brief moment of silence between them until Kelley laughs nervously saying "I guess that’s just how people who are in love act, huh?" 

Alex doesn’t know what to say, she honestly doesn’t so she just nods her head.

She wonders if Kelley is in love with her girlfriend, the thought hurts for some reason and she tries to push the feeling aside because the last thing she can use right now is worrying about her feelings again, or about Kelley’s feelings for her girlfriend. 

"We should head back to my apartment, grab something to eat and then we can get ready for the party." Alex says and Kelley nods, following after her.


	10. Chapter 10

"Is it okay if I wear this dress?" Alex sets her water bottle down and looks up, almost spitting out her drink when she sees Kelley wearing that dress again. 

She looks uncertain for some reason, she certainly looked a lot more confident last time she was wearing it. 

"Of course, you look gorgeous, why wouldn’t it be okay?" Alex asks quickly recovering from the initial shock of seeing her in that dress again after what had happened the last time. 

"Don’t know, just thought that since I already wore it…" Kelley stops mid sentence chewing on her lower lip and Alex just can’t figure out why she looks so nervous. 

"Do you always buy a dress and then only wear it one time?" Alex asks with a raised eyebrow and Kelley sighs before she shakes her head. 

"See, so no problem with wearing it again, besides you really do look great." She means it, Kelley looks excellent, in fact she does look way too good and Alex is worried that she’s going to lose control again, so she reminds herself that this time there won’t be that much alcohol involved. 

"What are you going to wear?" Kelley asks and Alex hesitates because she isn’t sure yet. 

Kelley apparently sees her hesitation as a newfound task and she excitedly drags Alex into her bedroom and towards her closet to pick out something nice. 

They finally decided on a very low cut black dress when Alex gets a text from Christen, telling her that she’s still busy with Tobin and won’t be able to make it to the afterparty. 

Alex replies that it’s no problem and that she’s going to see her at their next friendly.

"Christen is out, as expected." Alex says putting her phone down looking at Kelley who’s currently doing her hair, letting it fall down her back in soft curls. 

"Guess that leaves us with the task to be the life of the party." Kelley says and Alex quickly says "Not too much alcohol tonight though." 

Kelley hesitates before she says "Yeah, we can cut back in that category. Do you need help with your hair?" She motions for Alex to sit down in front of her and Alex obeys quickly, letting Kelley do her hair. 

They leave Alex’s apartment around ten, a cab already waiting for them. 

"The club we’re going to is really cool, I’m sure you’re going to love it." Alex explains as soon as they’re sitting in the cab, Kelley looking out through the window. 

She seems distracted and Alex wonders wether she heard her or not when Kelley looks back at her with a smile. 

"Yeah, I’m sure it’s going to be great. How long until we get there?" 

"Like ten minutes I think, it’s not too far away. Are you ready to face the others and be made fun of all night?"  
Kelley’s smile drops and Alex immediately feels like an asshole.

"Sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I’ll make sure that everyone is acting nice." 

"Did you really have to score that second goal though? Like everything was fine as it was." Kelley groans and Alex starts laughing. 

"It’s kind of my job to score for my team, sorry that it was at your cost.“

"Speaking of, how is your ankle?" Kelley asks sounding a bit concerned. 

"I’m wearing heels, does that answer your question?" Alex asks grinning and it makes Kelley laugh as well, so her goal is achieved. 

Their driver holds the car, telling them that they’ve arrived. 

Alex jumps out and opens the door for Kelley, taking her hand when they walk towards the club.   
She doesn’t drop it once they make it inside either and Alex asks herself if Kelley thinks that this is weird, if she does she doesn’t show it though. 

Alex spots some of her teammates and drags Kelley along to talk to them. 

Soon enough Alanna is coming their way with Tequila shots, that both of them decline and Alex thinks that maybe this night will go a lot better than the last time they went out together. 

They end up at a tiny table with Ashlyn and Ali who update them on what they’ve been up to during the last two weeks, Ali happily showing them pictures of Logan on her phone while Ashlyn is getting them drinks, Alex made sure that hers and Kelley’s would be without alcohol which earned her a questioning look from Ali, but Alex tried to ignore it as best as she could. 

At some point Kelley drags her over to the dance floor, claiming that it’s no real party without some dancing.

They’re still dancing way too close for Alex’s liking but at least this time there’s no grinding involved, a fact that Alex is very happy about even though there’s a little part of her that misses the feeling.

She quickly pushes the thought away and just holds onto Kelley who’s gently swaying in her arms. 

"You know, I’m not mad anymore that you won, this is really nice." Kelley says and Alex raises her eyebrow. 

"You were mad?" She asks and Kelley shrugs her shoulders. 

"You were getting on my nerves all game long, don’t act like you didn’t do that on purpose." 

Now Alex is the one to shrug her shoulders before she replies.  
"Don’t pretend that you weren’t trying to do the same thing. I guess we both were kind of annoying.“

Kelley laughs and says "Let’s just agree that we like playing together much more than playing against other." 

Alex grins before she says "I certainly agree with that." 

Their moment is interrupted by Alanna who drags them over to the bar, insisting that they both have at least one drink. 

Alex rolls her eyes while Kelley chuckles, looking through the card with beverages, searching something with a very low alcohol level. 

Once she finally finds something she shows it to Alex who nods and Kelley orders for them, Alanna seemingly delighted that they’re finally drinking something that involves alcohol. 

Alex hopes that it’s enough to satisfy her because she doesn’t want to drink more than necessary and luckily Kelley seems to share that sentiment today. 

They hit the dance floor again, some of Alex’s teammates join them and for a while Alex loses sight of Kelley but then she’s back in her arms and the thought of having to let her go the next morning makes Alex’s heart ache a bit more than it should. 

It’s around midnight when Kelley tells her that she’s tired, Alex quickly calls them a cab and says goodbye to her teammates, who don’t look too happy about her already leaving, but Alex couldn’t care less in that moment because there’s no way in hell that she’s letting Kelley leave on her own during their last evening together. 

Kelley tells her several times that it would be okay if she wanted to stay with her team, but Alex insists on going with her and she can see it in Kelley’s eyes that secretly Kelley is happy about it. 

Alex shivers a little bit when they step outside, their cab isn’t there yet so Kelley throws her arm around her, hugging her tightly. 

Alex immediately feels a bit warmer and she wonders if she will be over her crush when she sees Kelley the next time. 

"What’s on your mind?" Kelley asks and Alex just smiles back at her. 

"Nothing much, just a bit sad that you’re leaving tomorrow." 

Kelley hums in agreement before she lets go of Alex.

"Cab is here." She says reaching for Alex’s hand before they walk over to the cab. 

Alex wants to pat herself on the back for being able to resist the urge to kiss Kelley all evening long, she thinks that maybe she’s finally making some progress in getting over her crush, it’s been a lot harder than she thought it would be in the beginning, especially now that she knows how good Kelley is at kissing. 

They’re standing in front of her apartment, Alex searching her purse for the key, while Kelley is blankly staring at the floor. 

Finally Alex finds the key and opens the apartment door, letting Kelley inside first before she follows after her, closing the door behind her. 

She turns around to head straight to her bedroom and almost bumps into Kelley who hasn’t moved a single step since she walked in. 

"Kel... what..." Alex wants to ask what’s going on when she’s pushed against the door, Kelley pinning both of her arms above her head before she kisses her. 

Alex feels all the air rushing out of her lungs and she gasps in surprise which Kelley uses to slip her tongue into Alex’s mouth. 

Alex doesn’t know what’s going on, she thinks her mind might be playing tricks on her, even though the feeling of Kelley’s lips against hers is almost painfully real. 

"God I wanted to do that all night." Kelley says when she pulls back from the kiss to catch her breath and Alex is staring at her wide eyed but she doesn’t get the chance to say anything because Kelley’s lips are back against her own and this time Kelley gently bites down on her lower lip and Alex moans loudly while she can feel Kelley smirking. 

"That was for being absolutely annoying during the game today." Kelley whispers against her lips making Alex shudder. 

"Do you want to stop?" Kelley asks and Alex quickly shakes her head because damn the consequences, stopping is the last thing she wants right now. 

"Good, you‘re going to learn that payback‘s a bitch tonight." Kelley says right before she picks Alex up, carrying her towards the bedroom and at this point Alex is convinced that this is some kind of dream, that she‘s going to wake up every second. 

Kelley effortlessly carries her into her bedroom and eases her onto the bed before she follows, straddling Alex who is looking up at her wide eyed, still not sure what is happening or rather why it‘s happening, not that it really matters right now. 

Kelley leans down pecking her lips gently until she moves on to her neck, at first she just kisses her but then she starts biting and even though she‘s careful Alex is a moaning mess within minutes. 

"Want me to keep going?" Kelley asks and Alex nods struggling to find any words. 

Kelley sits up again slightly grinding down against Alex who was so not prepared and moans loudly at the movement. 

Kelley is looking down at her, hair falling into her face and Alex can only reaffirm her previous assessment that yes, Kelley O‘Hara is definitely the most beautiful being on the entire planet and the way she‘s looking at her right now is setting Alex on fire and she needs more but she‘s not capable of asking for it. 

Kelley seemingly wants to take her time because she starts to trace patterns with her fingers on the exposed skin right above Alex‘s chest and in the back of her mind Alex wonders if Kelley had already planned this when she picked out the dress. 

Alex tries to sit up because she needs to kiss Kelley again but she‘s roughly pushed back onto the mattress, Kelley shaking her head with a grin before she says "You‘re doing what I say and only what I say, got it?" Alex nods, hoping that it will gain her some kind of reward and she‘s certainly not disappointed when Kelley leans down to kiss her. 

"You‘re allowed to touch me, by the way." Kelley says breathlessly between two kisses and Alex gladly takes her up on that offer, letting her hands wander over Kelley‘s back until they find the zipper of the dress, Alex hastily dragging it down. 

Kelley let‘s the dress slide down her body, before she carelessly throws it aside, leaving her only in her underwear and now Alex is pretty sure that she‘s planned this because it‘s brand new bordeaux red lingerie with lace, Alex also notices that the bra closes on the front, an information that she keeps in mind for later and while she has seen Kelley in her underwear several times over the last few years, this sight is truly something else and Alex feels like she can‘t breathe at the sight in front of her. 

The knowing smirk on Kelley‘s face only makes things worse and Alex is getting frustrated because she‘s not getting enough from Kelley. 

"Kel please..." She whispers and Kelley laughs.   
"Please what?" she asks teasingly and Alex groans. 

"I need you, please." Alex says and she knows how desperate she probably sounds and she could swear that Kelley‘s eyes get a few shakes darker at her request. 

"Sit up." Kelley orders and Alex quickly follows her request, Kelley reaching around to pull the zipper of Alex‘s dress down before she slowly slides the straps of Alex‘s dress down over her shoulders. 

"No bra?" Kelley asks smirking and Alex feels herself blush and she‘s still unable to speak because her voice is going to betray her, she just knows it. 

Kelley keeps on pulling her dress down and a few seconds later it joins Kelley‘s dress somewhere on Alex‘s bedroom floor. 

"You‘re so beautiful." Kelley says staring down at Alex who meets her gaze and for a moment neither of them needs to say anything, everything they might want to say is communicated by the look that they share and then Kelley is kissing her again while her hand is massaging Alex‘s chest and it‘s still not enough for Alex. 

Kelley seems to notice because she starts to trail kisses down her body, stopping at her chest while her hand rests against Alex‘s abs. 

"Kelley I... I need more, please." Alex whispers and Kelley looks up at her before she nods and slides lower down her body, drawing patterns with her tongue over Alex‘s abs and Alex thinks she might be losing her mind because the feeling is absolutely mind blowing, she‘s not sure if she has ever felt this way with anyone else. 

Kelley reaches the waistband of her underwear in that moment and looks up at Alex with a questioning looks like she‘s asking for permission. 

"Please." Alex whimpers and it‘s all the confirmation that Kelley needs. 

She takes her time removing the last piece of undergarment that Alex is still wearing and Alex wants to tell her to go faster, but she knows what a tease Kelley is and asking her to go faster would probably end with her going even slower and she can‘t risk that. 

She doesn‘t have to ask though because once her underwear hits the floor Kelley suddenly isn‘t as calm and collected anymore. 

It only takes a few seconds until Kelley is sliding one finger inside her and Alex almost comes on the spot, if she weren‘t so desperate for Kelley‘s touch she would probably be embarrassed about being so loud, but in that moment she simply doesn‘t care and it looks like Kelley is appreciating it. 

"More." Alex tries to say and her voice sounds so raspy that she barely recognizes it. 

To her surprise Kelley obeys and adds a second finger, sending Alex over the edge but Kelley doesn‘t stop there, she keeps the movement of her fingers steady and Alex is pretty sure that she‘s either going to pass out or die from the feeling that‘s rushing through her. 

"Kel stop, please I... need a moment." She says breathlessly and Kelley removes her fingers immediately biting her lower lip. 

"Are you okay? Was that too much?" She asks looking at Alex with worry in her eyes. 

"Come here." Alex whispers sitting up and pulling Kelley in for a kiss. 

"Not too much, I just need a minute." Kelley nods and Alex looks at her. 

"Let me take care of you meanwhile?" She asks shyly and Kelley nods slowly. 

Alex flips them so that now Kelley is the one on her back, Alex quickly sitting up and straddling her hips before she reaches down to unclasp Kelley‘s bra. 

"Please skip the teasing, I need you, now." Kelley says and her voice sounds so filled with lust that it sends shivers down Alex‘s spine. 

She nods and slides down her body until she‘s between Kelley‘s legs. She looks up at Kelley who‘s returning her gaze giving her a nod. 

Alex removes the red lace panties before she kisses Kelley‘s inner thigh who moans at the touch, giving Alex all the confidence that she needs. 

"Al I swear, stop t..." Kelley never gets to finish the sentence because Alex moves her head to where Kelley wants it and it‘s all moans and cursing from that moment on. 

Alex learns two things very quickly, one Kelley is very appreciative when it comes to little touches and two, she loves to bury her hands in Alex‘s hair. 

It only takes Alex a few minutes to get Kelley off and when she kisses her afterwards, Kelley snuggled against her, bodies pressed so close together that no piece of paper could fit between them, Alex finally knows that this is more than just a crush for her. 

When Kelley asks her if she‘s ready for round two Alex just laughs and nods her head. 

It‘s certainly not their last round during that night.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex is woken up by a noise the next morning. 

She’s momentarily irritated and sleepily rubs her eyes turning over in Kelley‘s arms, because right, Kelley is in her bed, sleeping next to her. 

At Alex’s movement Kelley stirs before she slowly opens her eyes blinking a few times before she softly smiles at Alex. 

"Hey" Alex whispers and Kelley is about to reply when suddenly the door to her bedroom is opened. 

"Alex are you in h..." Servando stops mid sentence when he sees them and this is bad, Kelley pulls the covers up quickly but there’s not a single doubt that they are both naked and Alex knows that they’re absolutely screwed. 

Serv turns around, almost too calm and closes the door behind him. 

Kelley slowly lowers the blanket again before she meets Alex’s gaze looking absolutely panicked. 

"I’m.. gonna go talk to him." Alex says, not sure if that’s a good idea and Kelley nods slowly and this is not how Alex imagined her morning to go. 

Alex quickly grabs a sweater that she pulls over her head before she rushes out of her bedroom, looking for Servando who’s sitting in the living room on her couch. 

Alex sits down on the other couch because she needs some distance between them right now.

"So Kelley…" Servando says.  
He shoots her an icy look and at the same time it feels like there aren’t any emotions at all and it honestly scares Alex a bit, because Serv might not be someone who’s overly emotional or very good at communicating his feelings, but this right here is different because his face is just blank.

"Serv, I’m sorry." Alex says, trying to convince herself that it isn’t a lie. 

She’s not sorry about sleeping with Kelley, she is sorry that Servando had to see them together though. 

"Out of all the people you could sleep with, you decide to sleep with Kelley." Servando says his voice almost as emotionless as his gaze and Alex isn’t sure what to answer, so she shrugs her shoulders. 

Servando sighs looking at Alex like he’s thinking about something before he start to speak again.

"Look Alex, I don‘t care who you‘re sleeping with as long as it isn‘t Kelley.“

Alex isn’t sure how to react to that statement, part of her is offended that Servando doesn’t care who she’s sleeping with at all, because he’s her husband for god’s sake, but the main part of her suddenly feels angry because if he doesn’t care why is he so upset about her sleeping with Kelley.

"Why does it bother you so much, it‘s not like it matters to you who I‘m having sex with, why is it such a big deal to you that it‘s Kelley?" Her words come out a bit sharper than she intended but Alex honestly doesn’t care about that right now. 

Kelley is still in her bedroom and she would rather talk to her right now, but she knows that she has to have a talk with Serv first because she owes him that much. 

He scoffs at her question like it’s some kind of joke before he starts talking again.  
"Why I am bothered that it’s Kelley, is that a serious question you’re asking me? I’m not sure if you’re trying to make me look like an idiot or it’s that you really can’t see it yourself, I’m not sure which one is worse to be honest but to answer your question, I am mad at you for sleeping with Kelley because you‘ve always been in love with her from the moment you met her. I don‘t mind the open relationship part, I wouldn‘t have agreed to it if I weren‘t okay with it. What I‘m not okay with is the fact that you only agreed to the whole thing to sleep specifically with her. You were never interested in an open relationship, you‘ve always been interested in a relationship with Kelley and that‘s the problem.“

"But I love you." Alex says weakly, she knows that it probably won’t make a difference but she at least has to try, because he’s her husband and she does love him, right?

"I know that you do. You might love me, but you’re in love with her." Servando states before he stands up.

It’s like a hit to the face because he is right and Alex feels like an absolute idiot for not realizing it earlier or for denying it so long, but the truth is that she is in love with Kelley.

The realization crashes down on her and how is she supposed to move on from this? 

She slept with her best friend who she’s in love with and her husband caught them and if that weren’t bad enough she remembers that Kelley does have a girlfriend so she didn’t just screw up her marriage but also her best friend’s relationship. 

"I’m sorry." Alex says and it isn’t even necessarily directed towards Servando, but he still nods and says  
"I know. I think this isn’t working out any longer." Alex wants to feel sad about it, but she just can’t, she’s too overwhelmed with her feelings for Kelley and she kind of knew that her marriage was over anyways, so this doesn’t come as much of a surprise. 

"We can talk about what’s going to happen another time, if that’s alright with you. I don’t think that either of us should have that conversation right now, but I hope that you find what you’re looking for, Alex. I know that it’s not me, it probably never was." Alex hates how sad Servando looks and she hates that she’s the cause of all their problems but what is she supposed to do? 

She tried to fight her feelings for Kelley, hell, she shoved them down so far that she was somehow almost able to convince herself that this was something that was just going to magically pass but now she can’t pretend any longer and it might be bitter that it’s going to cost her her marriage but she can’t change what happened and it wouldn’t be fair to Servando to keep going like this. 

"I’m okay with that. Serv?" She looks at him before continuing to speak "I hope you find someone who can make you happy." 

He smiles, it doesn’t quite reach his eyes and Alex heart aches because she never meant to hurt him, she genuinely thought that she was in love with him for so long and she can’t help but feel guilty for dragging this out for so long when Kelley was right there under her nose for so long. 

"Does she make you happy?" He asks and Alex smiles, because they might not be together but it is an easy yes. Kelley has always made her happy, no matter in what capacity. 

"Goodbye Alex." Servando says with a sad smile and it does sound and feel final when he leaves her apartment. 

Alex is not sure how she feels about it, her marriage is over and yet she can‘t bring herself to feel heartbroken about it. 

When the door closes Alex turns around to go back into her bedroom because Kelley is still in there. 

She hesitates before she opens the door, suddenly feeling so uncertain about everything but Alex closes her eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath and then steps inside the room because she can‘t keep running from her feelings forever. 

Kelley is sitting on her bed, her suitcase standing next to it, she‘s wearing jeans and Alex‘s Orlando jersey and she looks so damn nervous that Alex wants to hug her. 

Kelley looks at Alex for a second and Alex can see the sadness in her eyes and she decides in that moment that it‘s a bad sign. 

"I should go." Kelley says and if to reaffirm her statement she stands up, reaching for her suitcase while Alex just stands there staring at her. 

"Wh... why?" she manages to say and Kelley raises her eyebrow. 

"Al... This, we can‘t. I‘m in a relationship, you‘re married, we can‘t screw that up. Those two times were a mistake." Kelley doesn‘t look at her, she‘s staring at the floor and Alex isn‘t sure if she really means the mistake part but it hurts, it hurts so much and then she realizes a little detail and her eyes widen. 

"You do remember." Kelley‘s gaze shoots up, she looks guilty and Alex feels like her stomach is turning inside out. 

"You remembered this whole time, didn‘t you?" Alex asks tears filling her eyes. 

Kelley looks down again biting her lip and that‘s all Alex needs to know. 

"God I felt so bad about this and about keeping it from you to protect your relationship and you knew this entire time." Alex whispers shaking her head slightly. 

"I have to go and catch my flight." Kelley says before she basically runs out of the room, leaving Alex on her own, feeling completely broken. 

This is so not how she imagined this to go, she isn‘t quite sure what she expected, because Kelley is right, they are still in relationships, well Kelley is because Alex is pretty sure that her marriage is over and has been for a long time and they never should‘ve slept with each other in the first place, at least not while they were in relationships. 

Somehow Alex still thought that it actually meant something, it certainly did for her and Kelley calling it a mistake honestly broke something inside Alex. 

Additionally Kelley accidentally revealing that she remembered their first night together when she pretended she didn‘t, Alex thinks that might be the part that hurts the most because she was struggling so much having to deal with being the only one of them to remember, having to make a decision about wether to tell Kelley or not and now she just feels betrayed and heartbroken. 

She slides down against the wall and starts crying because everything feels like too much right now and she needs to stop thinking, needs to stop the feelings that are rushing through her.


	12. Chapter 12

It‘s been three weeks, Alex is a mess.   
She has tried calling Kelley every single day multiple times, wrote her messages, begging her to call her back but every attempt of communication ends with Alex lying on her bed crying. 

Her life goes on, Alex feels like she‘s watching her own life from the sideline, she does her usual training and when she‘s on the field everything seems alright but once she‘s alone in her apartment everything comes crashing down on her again. 

Ash and Ali invite her to hang out multiple times and Alex is pretty sure that Ali knows something judging from the way she looks at her with worry, but if she does she has the decency not to ask and Alex is very thankful for it because this way she can at least pretend that everything is alright while her life keeps falling apart on the inside. 

After three and a half weeks she‘s had enough of it and calls Christen, hoping that she knows wether Kelley is okay or not, because at this point Alex would be happy just knowing that Kelley is still alive. 

"Alex?" Christen‘s voice rings through the phone and Alex replies with a weak „Hey"

"Are you going to tell me what‘s going on?" Christen asks and it sounds more like a command than a question, Alex takes that as evidence that Kelley is alive. 

"How much do you know?" Alex asks voice cracking slightly because she really doesn‘t want to talk about what happened. 

"Nothing, Kelley has been crashing on my couch for three and a half weeks but she won‘t talk to me, so I‘d really appreciate it if someone actually bothered to explain to me why I‘ve been taking care of my teammate who‘s obviously a mess right now." So Kelley is definitely alive, it doesn‘t sound like she‘s doing well though but the same could be said about Alex and she can‘t blame her for not wanting to talk about it. 

"Hello, Alex you still there?" Christen asks and Alex barely gets out a "Yeah". 

She hears Christen sigh before she starts talking again.   
"Seriously what happened, did you tell her you‘re in love with her and you guys had a fight about it or what is it?" 

Alex‘s eyes widen because how does Christen know about her feelings? She wonders if Christen is the only one who knows because apparently so did Servando and maybe Alex wasn’t as subtle as she always thought, hell, she didn’t really think about it at all because she was so busy with denying that she was feeling something in the first place.

She wants to ask right when Christen continues to speak. 

"Oh come on Alex, it‘s pretty obvious. Look I know what it‘s like to fall for your best friend, but Kelley has a girlfriend and you, you have Serv." 

She doesn‘t have Servando anymore, but Christen doesn‘t know that. 

"We slept together... twice." Alex says and it‘s barely more than a whisper. 

"Excuse me, you did what?!" The what is almost screamed and it‘s unlike Christen to lose it, but then again Alex can‘t blame her. 

"Seriously? You slept with Kelley?" Christen says after a moment of silence passes. 

"Hmm." Alex mumbles before she buries her face inside her hands because it‘s the last thing she wants to think about right now. 

"God you really got yourself into a mess there. What are you going to do?" Christen asks and Alex wants to laugh about it because she doesn‘t know. 

She‘s had three weeks to think about it and she still has no idea what to do next because all that she wants is to be in Kelley‘s arms but that‘s never going to happen. 

"Getting divorced I guess." Alex says and shrugs her shoulders because that‘s the one thing she knows is going to happen. 

"Have you told Servando yet?" Christen asks sounding sympathetic, Alex isn‘t sure if she deserves sympathy because she screwed Servando over badly. 

"He kind of caught us." Alex mumbles and she can hear Christen coughing on the other side of the phone. 

"Oh." is all Christen manages to say after that and it almost makes Alex laugh. 

"I feel really bad about not ending it before things happened with Kelley. I didn‘t mean to hurt him, we both knew that our marriage was over for quite some time and theoretically I was allowed to sleep with other people, but it still hurt him. I just... I don‘t know, I feel like such an idiot for not realizing how I feel about Kelley earlier." Alex voice cracks again and she has to hold back the tears, she wonders if at some point she won‘t be able to cry anymore. 

"Sometimes you can‘t see what‘s right in front of you, don‘t blame yourself for that. You were probably in denial, it happens. Some people take longer to realize how they feel." Christen says her voice gentle and Alex wants to cry again because she doesn‘t deserve friends like that, she screwed at least three people over with her actions and while Kelley willingly participated it somehow still feels like it‘s all her own fault. 

"We‘re talking about years here, Chris. I‘ve been in love with her for years and I didn‘t even realize it and now it‘s too late because she‘s happy with her girlfriend." Alex feels the first tears running down her cheeks, she doesn‘t bother to wipe them away because she knows that there are going to be more. 

"I know it doesn‘t feel like it right now, but I promise you that eventually you‘ll find someone who makes you happy and it might not be Kelley, but you‘re great Alex, don‘t ever doubt that, okay? You might‘ve made a mistake or two but don‘t we all mess up sometimes? So please stop blaming yourself for something you can‘t change anymore because you‘re only going to destroy yourself if you keep overthinking this. I have to go right now because Kelley will probably be back here from her morning run any minute, but I‘ll see you next week, yeah?" Christen asks and it‘s in that exact moment that Alex remembers that they have a game in a week and that that means that she will have to face Kelley wether she wants to or not. 

"Alex?" She hears Christen‘s voice, reminding her that she‘s still on the phone. 

"Yeah. Uhh thanks for still talking to me and making me feel like less of a shitty human, I really appreciate it. I‘ll see you next week." Alex says before she hangs up and sinks back onto her bed. 

Alex doesn’t know what to do, she completely forgot about the fact that there was another game coming up and that it meant that she was going to see Kelley again. 

She’s pretty sure that she won’t be able to be near her for longer than five minutes and the thought alone makes her feel sick, because it shouldn’t be like that, Kelley is her best friend and where did things go so wrong that she can’t stand the idea of being near her? 

Her heart still feels so broken and Alex knows that this is not going to magically fix itself, definitely not within a week. 

She won’t be able to get over her feelings for Kelley in a week and she knows that they have to talk about it but Kelley is still refusing to take her calls and Alex is trying, she really is but it feels like she’s completely alone with this. 

Maybe Kelley has already given up on them? Alex doesn’t want to believe that that’s true because what does that say about her importance in Kelley’s life? 

It feels like she already lost Kelley and the thought hurts more than having unrequited feelings. 

She can handle being in love with Kelley and her not returning her feelings but she can’t imagine her life without Kelley in it, the thought alone makes her heart ache.

Her phone rings and she sees Tobin’s name flashing on the screen. Alex groans because she’s pretty sure that the call was prompted by Christen, but she takes the call because Tobin is one of her closest friends and she’s going to find out about her and Kelley eventually. 

"Dude, what’s going on?" Is the first thing she hears from Tobin and Alex is thankful that Christen apparently didn’t tell Tobin what happened. 

"Did Chris tell you to call me?" Alex asks, dodging the question. 

"She said you’re in a bad place but refused to tell me why. Did someone die?" Tobin asks sounding worried and Alex has to hold back a laugh because only Tobin would casually ask if someone died. 

"No, I just kind of screwed up." Alex says thinking about how she should fill Tobin in on what happened. 

"Please tell me you didn’t injure yourself again, what is it this time, knee, ankle again? I swear Alex, we need you in top form, I’m saying that as a teammate not just as your friend." Tobin says groaning and of course Tobin would think that it’s something that’s soccer related. Admittedly it kind of is, Kelley is their teammate and she did screw her so maybe it is soccer related after all. 

"I’m not injured, I promise." Alex says, it’s true she isn’t injured her heart might be badly damaged but she will be okay on the field, it doesn’t affect her play. 

"Great, then what’s going on?" Tobin asks getting impatient. 

Alex takes a deep breath and somehow telling Tobin feels a lot more difficult than telling Christen. 

"I slept with Kelley." Alex finally says and she hears Tobin laugh on the other end of the line. 

"Yeah sure, good joke." Tobin replies still laughing. 

"I’m serious." Alex says and hears how Tobin’s laughter turns into a snort.

"Dude what? How?" Tobin asks and a small smile steals its way onto Alex’s face.

"Do you really want me to explain how because I’m pretty sure that you should know a thing or two about that." Alex says and she thinks that might be the first joke she has delivered in over three weeks. 

"I mean I know how, I definitely do, ask Christen about it." Tobin says and Alex actually laughs which also feels like the first time in three weeks. 

"Not what I meant though, it was more of a how did that happen question." 

"Well the first time we were both pretty drunk." Alex says before she’s interrupted by a "Wait, hold up what do you mean the first time, how many times did you sleep with her?" For some reason Tobin sounds really excited about all of this, almost like she is happy about it. 

"Two times. Anyways I’m pretty sure we weren’t drunk the second time but then Servando caught us and now I’m getting divorced but Kelley is still with her girlfriend and basically said that all of this was a mistake. Oh and after the first time she acted like she forgot because she was so drunk, but turns out she remembered the entire time.“

There’s silence on the other end of the line and Alex thinks that Tobin might’ve hung up on her until Tobin starts talking again. 

"That sounds like you’ve had a few very wild weeks." That’s putting things mildly, Alex thinks but she’s thankful for Tobin just being Tobin because there is some lightness in her and just a certain degree of chill that Alex will never possess, but right now it’s helping her calm down. 

"You could say that. Anyways, I’m feeling like shit because I ruined everything. My marriage is officially over and even though we probably were never meant to be, it still feels like it’s my fault that it didn’t work out. I broke Serv’s heart and I’m in love with my best friend who is in a relationship. What if I ruined it for her, Tobs? She told me that she’s happy with her and then I went on and slept with her." Alex sighs rubbing her fingers over her temple, feeling like she’s going to get a headache. 

"You’re in love with her?" Tobin asks sounding surprised and Alex thinks that either Christen is very good with reading other people or Tobin is just really bad at it. 

"I am." She says and hears Tobin humming on the other side of the line. 

"Cool, I support that." Alex has to laugh because the statement is so much Tobin that it hurts. 

"Can I ask you one more question?" Tobin asks and Alex replies with a "Go ahead." 

"Is Kelley as good in bed as I think she is?" Tobin asks and Alex’s eyes widen, she did not expect that question. 

"I am so not answering that." She says quickly and Tobin laughs. 

"I take that as a yes. Are you feeling any better now?" It’s a sincere question and it isn’t said in a joking manner like Tobin’s previous statements. 

"Actually yes, thank you." Alex replies and it’s true, she does feel better. Her heart is still aching and she’s longing for Kelley, but Tobin did cheer her up a bit and maybe Christen was right, maybe she is going to be okay at some point. 

"No problem, I’m always there when you need me. Need to go now, though, get ready for training. I’ll see you next week." Tobin says and Alex tells her that she’s looking forward to it before they hang up. 

Alex still doesn’t want to think about their next match and seeing Kelley again, but at least she doesn’t feel like crying for the first time in three weeks.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex is nervous and it is not her usual nervousness about the game, it’s her being nervous about seeing Kelley again. 

When she arrives at the hotel she sees Tobin and Allie standing outside and quickly heads their way. 

"Hey there, Roomie." Tobin says grinning wide and Alex raises her eyebrow in surprise because they haven’t roomed together in forever. 

She looks at Allie who just shrugs her shoulders saying "It’s okay, I’ll find someone else to share a room with." so Alex accepts being Tobin’s roommate because it’s surely going to be fun with Tobin around, plus Tobin is one of the few people who know about Kelley so maybe she’s going to be able to help Alex feel less stressed about this. 

She feels a bit bad for Allie because they would usually room together and now she had to find someone else, but Alex was sure that she would be fine.

Tobin dragged Alex after her, insisting that they had to get to their room quickly and Alex just followed along, hoping that they wouldn’t run into Kelley on their way to the room. 

She got lucky, in fact she somehow managed to avoid Kelley all day long, she once saw her from a distance but that was pretty much it. 

It isn‘t that she likes it because she misses Kelley, she misses her so much but after one month of no contact it is pretty clear that Kelley doesn‘t want anything to do with her anymore and Alex is willing to accept it no matter how much it hurts, because she only wants what‘s best for Kelley. 

They all have dinner together, it‘s the first time that Alex really sees Kelley within a month, she tried hard not to constantly look into Kelley‘s direction, but knows that she‘s probably failing hard. 

She‘s sitting between Tobin and Allie, Tobin is constantly nudging her feet under the table throwing her meaningful glances and by the time they‘re halfway through dinner Alex is slightly annoyed by it. 

"Is there something going on between you and Kelley? I haven‘t seen you guys together all day." Allie asks a few minutes later and Alex bites her lip, because what is she supposed to say. 

The situation probably won‘t change anytime soon, they might be able to pull themselves together on the field but in private they were most likely to keep their distance and Alex knew that their teammates would eventually notice, but she still had no idea how to explain the sudden change without telling them the truth. 

"No, everything is fine." Alex replies and Allie slowly nods, Alex thinks she probably doesn‘t believe her, which is fine because it was a lie after all, at least she doesn‘t question it anymore. 

Alex doesn‘t really feel like eating anymore though, so she skips the dessert which earns her concerned looks from pretty much everyone who sits close by. 

"I‘m gonna get myself a bottle of water, catch up with you in our room later?" Alex asks Tobin after dinner who nods her head quickly before she basically runs over to where Christen is standing while Alex turns to look for an automat to get herself a bottle of water and then heads back to her room. 

She opens the door and walks in, immediately regretting it. 

Tobin and Christen are sitting on Tobin‘s bed, well Tobin is sitting on her bed, Christen is sitting on Tobin and they‘re only half dressed and Alex wishes she had knocked or something. 

"Uhm do you guys want me to go?" Alex asks and Tobin looks at her. 

"Take Christen‘s room card and give us like one to two hours?" Alex stares back at her for a few seconds, because she can‘t believe that Tobin is being serious about this, but then she sighs and takes Christen‘s room card, because she gets it. 

She understands that they want to spend as much time together as possible and that they use whatever opportunity they get and she can give them those two hours because they are two of her closest friends and helped her a lot during the last week. 

Christen‘s room isn‘t too far away from her own and Alex has no trouble finding it. 

She slides the key card in and opens the door, walking in. 

The room is empty but she can hear that the shower is on and she realizes that she didn‘t even ask who Christen is rooming with. 

Alex sits down on the couch and takes out her phone, scrolling through her Twitter timeline when suddenly her blood runs cold, because she recognizes the suitcase that‘s propped against one of the beds, it had been on her apartment floor for six days and she would recognize it anywhere and of course Christen is rooming with Kelley, they‘ve been basically living together for a month. 

Alex jumps up and wants to flee the room when the bathroom door is opened and Kelley walks into the room, wrapped into a towel hair still dripping wet falling over her shoulders, freezing when she sees Alex. 

"I uh... Tobs and Chris were in my room... Tobin told me to go here... I‘ll just go." Alex stutters rushing for the door when Kelley grabs her wrist, stopping her. 

"Don‘t run, please." Her voice sounds pleading and Alex doesn‘t know what the hell is going on because last time she checked Kelley was the one ignoring all of her calls. 

"I‘m gonna get changed, promise me you won‘t leave?" Kelley asks meeting Alex‘s gaze and she looks so sad that it breaks Alex‘s heart even more than it already is. 

She doesn‘t say anything but gives Kelley a small nod which seems to be all the confirmation that Kelley needs because she goes back into the bathroom, while Alex decides to sit down on the couch again. 

Kelley steps back into the room again like three minutes later, now dressed in sweatpants and a simple white shirt. 

She looks almost as nervous as Alex feels and sits down across from Alex, keeping some distance between them, Alex decides that it‘s for the best because all she wants to do is kiss her. 

"I‘m sorry for not replying to your calls, I... needed some space and time to think." Kelley says and Alex nods slowly because it does make sense. 

It‘s still bothering her because she was so worried about Kelley and didn‘t even get a text back, but she understands why Kelley needed space, maybe she needed some as well. 

"It‘s okay, I don‘t blame you. I‘m sorry if I was annoying or something, I didn‘t want to push you or anything, I was just worried, like a lot." Alex says while she looks at Kelley, trying to read her because she has no idea where this conversation is going. 

"I did a lot of thinking, but I don‘t know how we‘re supposed to fix this. Do you even want to fix it or is it better to just give up?" Kelley asks meeting her gaze and it doesn‘t sound like Kelley because Kelley never thinks about giving up, she‘s always the last one standing, willing to fight and she has tears in her eyes and Alex just wants to hug her and tell her that things are going to be alright but she‘s deadly afraid that she might slip up again and kiss her. 

"Of course I want to fix this, I don‘t want to give up on us." Alex says and Kelley is looking at her teary eyed but at the same time with a shimmer of hope. 

"You don‘t?" Alex shakes her head, because she doesn‘t want to give up, she loves Kelley, Kelley is her everything and she‘d rather live with a broken heart forever than living a life without Kelley in it. 

"Why would you even think that?" Alex asks and Kelley shrugs her shoulders before she replies. 

"Don‘t know, I just thought it might be easier for you, you know to fix things with Servando.“

Right, she doesn’t know that that‘s in the past. Alex thinks about wether this is the right moment to tell her about the divorce and then decides that she doesn‘t want to keep secrets any longer. 

"I‘m not fixing things with him, we‘re done." Kelley stares at her wide eyed before she starts sobbing and that was not what Alex was expecting as a reaction. 

"God, I‘m so sorry, I ruined your marriage and then left you all alone to deal with it, I‘m such a shitty friend." Kelley says sobbing so hard that it‘s difficult to understand what she‘s saying. 

"What, no. This is not your fault, hey look at me." Alex says kneeling down in front of Kelley, gently lifting Kelley‘s chin with her finger until she has to look her in the eyes. 

"It‘s not your fault that we‘re getting a divorce. I wasn‘t truly happy with Serv, well at least not in a very long time and we both knew that it was inevitable. Sometimes things just don‘t work out, sometimes you realize that you‘ve been in love with your best friend this entire time and that nothing is going to change that." 

Kelley gasps and stares at Alex completely out of words.   
"You‘re in love with me?" She asks looking stunned and Alex nods, nervously chewing on her lower lip, because she knows that she can‘t take it back and she doesn‘t want to, because Kelley deserves to know. 

When Kelley stays silent Alex continues talking.   
"Listen, I‘m not telling you that because I‘m expecting anything from you. I know that you‘re in a relationship and that you‘re happy with her. I‘m okay with just being your best friend, it might be a bit difficult and it will definitely hurt for a while, but you are my best friend and you are worth fighting for, I don‘t care as what I have you in my life because you are special. You‘re the most passionate, loyal and caring person I‘ve ever met and you care more about other people’s feelings than your own and it‘s infuriating sometimes because you deserve everything and deny yourself of so much just because you want to make everyone around you happy. You‘re so determined and you fight for what you believe in and you‘re so head strong and stubborn that it hurts, but it‘s one of the many things that I love about you because you literally never ever give up even when the situation seems hopeless. You have the most beautiful eyes I‘ve ever seen and I swear that sometimes when you smile and the sunlight hits you there‘s some gold in between the green and speaking of your smile, pretty sure you can turn someone‘s day from bad to good with it and I could go on all day about how freaking special you are Kelley. So yeah, what I‘m trying to say is that as long as you‘re in, I‘m in too. Always willing to fight with you." Tears are streaming down both of their faces and Kelley slightly shakes her head before she starts laughing. 

"God, you really do love emotional speeches, don‘t you?" Alex chuckles before she wipes the tears away. 

"Everything I said is true." She adds and Kelley is smiling at her before her gaze turns a bit more serious. 

"Just to make this clear, I‘m not in a relationship."   
"What?" Alex says entirely taken off guard. 

"I ended things before we went to Orlando. I‘m in love with you too, Alex. And I wanted to tell you before I went back but then Servando caught us and I got scared that you might not feel the same and want to fix your marriage instead, so I ran. God I had no idea that you felt the same..." Kelley says laughing even though there are still tears in her eyes. 

"We‘re really two idiots, aren‘t we?" Alex asks and Kelley nods before both of them start laughing again. 

"I want to kiss you so badly right now." Alex whispers once their laughter dies down. 

"Then do it." Kelley replies and Alex is quick to obey, placing her hand against Kelley‘s cheek gently before she leans in. 

It‘s a soft kiss, much more gentle and slow than their previous ones, it‘s not rushed or filled with lust, it‘s just an expression of love that has been growing steady over the last ten years or so. 

Alex gently but firmly pushes Kelley back onto the couch before she climbs into her lap and Kelley laughs breathlessly when they both pull back from the kiss. 

"We might want to slow this down a bit, don‘t want Christen to walk in on us." Kelley jokes and Alex laughs. 

"Oh she deserves that, I don‘t think I can forget the image of her straddling Tobin earlier. Besides, I‘m pretty sure that they planned this, so I doubt that she‘s coming back here tonight." Another laugh from Kelley before she leans her head against Alex‘s chest. 

"Do you maybe want to move this to the bed, seems a bit more comfortable." Alex laughs before she lifts Kelley up and carries her over to the bed. 

They take their time with each other this time, exploring slowly but deliberately, neither of them speaks because they don‘t need to, they understand each other without words, it just takes a look to know what the other one is thinking, they know each other so well that they understand perfectly what the other one needs without even requesting it. 

Afterwards they lie together in Kelley‘s bed, Alex resting her head against Kelley‘s chest, listening to her heart beating. 

"Do you think we lost time by not figuring out our feelings earlier?" Kelley asks sleepily and Alex smiles. 

"No, I think we both needed to grow up first, figure things out on our own. Besides we always were in each others lives, it‘s like we‘ve been in a relationship all along, minus the truly awesome sex but we still have time to catch up with that." Kelley laughs and slaps her shoulder lightly. 

"Maybe we were always meant to be and now is finally the right time." 

"I can‘t imagine spending my life with anyone else, so yes maybe we were always meant to be." Alex says with a smile before she kisses Kelley softly. 

Kelley pulls her impossibly closer and they fall asleep like that, all tangled up in each other, two hearts who finally found each other beating like they are one.


End file.
